The whole thing feels like someone left their holiday snaps on the cutting room floor of a bootleg Tetris cartridge. Not complaining. The blonde, right, she's got that over-bleached, slightly crispy hair you see in old magazines, and the bikini top is working overtime. You don't play Tetris here, you hunt. Three cubes, same colour, somewhere in the messy pile. Click them, they vanish with a sad little pop, and a strip of her photo gets revealed like you're scratching a lottery ticket that definitely pays out.

Trouble is, the blocks feel greasy. Not the game's fault, maybe my trackpad, but half the time I'm trying to line up a click and my finger slips, and I'm just staring at a wall of pixelated junk thinking about my life choices. The striptease isn't a smooth animation, it's a slideshow of increasingly desperate poses. Level one she's smiling, pretending she's not cold. By level four, the bikini's a memory and she's got that look, the one that says she's already mentally spending the fifty bucks this gig paid for. Her tits are massive, completely defy physics, the kind of big tits that make you question gravity and then immediately stop caring. The photo grain makes it feel dirtier, like a secret you shouldn't have found.

Got stuck on a level where one red cube was hiding behind a blue one. Swore at the screen. Felt like a proper idiot. Then the next picture loaded and it was just... her, completely starkers, staring past me with this bored expression that somehow made the whole frustrating mess worth it. The game doesn't celebrate your win, just slaps the next locked grid down. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?