Alicia’s got that look, you know the one. Like she’s about to explain her weird rash but also maybe bite your lip off. The whole setup is this medical office that feels like it was decorated by someone who only saw hospitals in perfume ads. I spent way too long just clicking around the room before I even touched the patient. There’s a stethoscope on the desk that’s completely useless but I kept poking it anyway, hoping for a secret. Nothing. Waste of a good prop.

The nurse is where things get properly unhinged. She’s got this deadpan expression while handing you, I dunno, medical instruments that you definitely don’t need for the diagnosis. The diagnosis being that Alicia needs to get railed. It’s a sex addiction thing, the game says, which is the kind of medical chart I wish my real doctor would pull out. The threesome doesn’t build up so much as it just happens, like someone flipped a switch labeled “now kiss.” The nurse joins in with this clinical efficiency that’s honestly funnier than it should be. At one point I was trying to line up a specific angle and the camera just sort of gave up and clipped through Alicia’s shoulder. I laughed, then kept going. The sound is mostly wet slaps and a looping moan that started to sound like a broken car alarm after a while. I had to mute it, then unmuted it, then muted it again. Couldn’t decide if it was terrible or perfect.

The brunette doctor girlfriend thing is barely a character, more like a pair of glasses and a coat that floats around saying vaguely supportive things. You don’t really get a story, just a sequence of positions that unlock like you’re solving a very horny puzzle. The uniform stays on way longer than physics would allow, which I respect. It’s like the game forgot to add a clothing removal button and just said fuck it, we ball. I kept waiting for some Nurse Joy reference but it never came, which is probably for the best. My brain just filled it in anyway.