The mansion is gross, like genuinely sticky floors and dust that clings to your screen, but Simon doesn't care because the alternative is getting his face kicked in by the same jocks who call him a fag for reading comics. So he hides. And then the monster shows up. Not a metaphor. A real thing with claws and a body that makes the phrase monster hunter feel like a joke, because Simon isn't hunting anything, he's just trying not to die while his dick gets hard.

The blonde is the one everyone talks about, obviously. Big tits, weird eyes, a smile that says she knows exactly what you're afraid of. The sex scenes are messy in a way that feels intentional, like the devs wanted you to feel a little grossed out and turned on at the same time. Cumshot moments land with a wet slap that made me flinch once, which is rare for browser games. The nerd angle is played straight too, Simon stutters and apologizes mid blowjob, which is either adorable or pathetic depending on your mood.

I keep thinking about the Halloween setting and how it's barely used beyond the first five minutes. You get one jack o lantern and some cobwebs, then it's just dark rooms and horny monsters. Would've loved more seasonal weirdness, like a trick or treat mechanic or candy that does something to your stats. But no, you just click through dialogue and hope the next scene has a new position.

The monster design is actually good, better than the human characters. Simon's face looks like a melted candle in some shots. But the monster, the way she moves, the way her tits swing when she pins him down, that's the stuff that'll keep me coming back. Just wish the game remembered it's supposed to be scary too. Scary and horny are cousins, not strangers.