I swear these old Holio games are like finding a half eaten bag of chips behind the couch. You know you shouldn't, but you do. This one's got a cheerleader, blonde, the whole dorm room fantasy setup that was basically currency back in the day. The art is rough, like someone drew it on a napkin during detention, but that's the charm right? It's not trying to be some slick modern thing with ray tracing on her ponytail.

The whole deal is you're trying to pick her up, and it's that classic three act structure. First you gotta say the right thing, which is always some nonsense about her pom poms or whatever. Get it wrong and she looks at you like you just farted in church. Then the weird part, you're hunting for a hotspot on her body. I spent a solid minute clicking her elbow before I figured out the game wanted me to go for the neck. It's like a perverted version of Operation, but the buzzer is just her sighing. Then you get to the toy box, and that's where the points are. You're just cycling through stuff, trying to get the meter to max out. The scoring system is completely opaque, by the way. I got a perfect score once and I have no idea what I did differently.

It's a score attack game at its core, which is funny to say about something where you're trying to seduce a cheerleader. You're not really seducing, you're just optimizing a sequence. Click, rub, buzz, next. The whole thing loops fast. I wish there was more than one girl, but there won't be. This is it. A little time capsule of flash game horniness. The sounds are what you'd expect, little canned moans that sound like they were recorded in a tin can. It's the kind of game you play in a browser tab you can close in a panic, and that's exactly what it's meant to be.