Never been big on detective work myself but flap those pixel tits around and suddenly I'm Sherlock fucking Holmes, you know? It's Inspector J, another episode in the missing girls saga, whatever that means. You got your assistant Mia, this bored looking model type who apparently has nothing better to do than stand in your office while you click through emails. My god the emails. Paragraphs of text I absolutely did not read. Something about a girl named Jeanne, probably dead, probably not important because the real investigation is how quickly can I make Mia lose her top.

Game mechanics are basically zero. You open a laptop in game, scroll through messages like you're checking spam at work, then occasionally Mia rewards your dedication with a little fashion show. But here's the thing I don't understand, why does she strip so slowly? One button click per clothing item and she just... stands there. No music, no reaction, just dead eyes while her bra comes off. The striptease is so mechanical it's almost uncomfortable. Yet I kept clicking. That's the sick pull of these things isn't it, the promise that maybe the next click reveals something juicier. It doesn't. It's the same three outfits cycled through like a broken vending machine.

And the video tag, don't get excited. It's not what you think. Some grainy loop they probably filmed on a phone from 2015, the kind of thing that makes you question what people find hot. Real human my ass, she moves like a haunted mannequin. No personality, no tease, just flesh arranged in a bra that clips through her body if you look too long. Speaking of which, forgot to mention the quest structure. There isn't one. You find the clue or you don't, Mia shows her chest or she doesn't, the plot about Jeanne vanishes into thin air like it never mattered. Which it didn't. I wish there was at least some stupid mini game, a puzzle where you match evidence to suspects while Mia fingers herself in the corner or something. Won't happen. Spent more time than I'd admit just watching her blink animation stutter on my cheap laptop.