Client, massage, brunette, hentai, nude, simulator. You'd think that's straightforward right? Wrong. This thing is like the dev finished the art assets, slapped on a UI made in MS Paint in 2003, and then decided the real gameplay would be psychological warfare. The mouse controls feel like you're steering a drunk shopping cart. You're supposed to follow her verbal directions but the hitboxes on her back are pure fiction. There's a spot on her lower left shoulder blade that I swear is just painted on, no matter how slowly I drag the cursor it's "too low" or "too fast" and she makes this little disappointed noise that haunts me.

The art is what got me, typical hentai style with a ridiculous body and this permanent smirk like she knows exactly how janky the tracking is. Her breasts are just… there's a physics system that only kicks in during the loading screen. I sat through a three second transition and they swayed like a pendulum in an earthquake, then in the actual game they're completely static. Make it make sense. The nude unlock happens if you somehow divine the correct mouse path but there's no feedback so you just rub her generic shoulder for twenty minutes hoping the color palette shifts. Eventually her towel just vanished while I was clicking on a completely different part of her body, near the knee, and I choked on my drink.

The instruction text sometimes glitches into Japanese and back. I don't speak it but honestly it was more helpful than the English prompts, "apply gentle pressure" translates in this game to thrash the mouse like a defibrillator. There's a meter that I think measures approval but it kept spiking to max then bottoming out while I wasn't even touching her. Gaslighting simulator. The music is a six second loop of what sounds like a royalty free saxophone being stepped on. I kept playing for the wrong reasons, you know? Not for the scenes, but to see if the next click would finally break the game entirely or reveal some accidental masterpiece. It didn't. I found a secret pose by clipping the camera through the table and now I just have a permanent image of a disjointed ankle burned into my brain. Chart out the UI inconsistencies on graph paper and cry.