Fucking finally, a game that gets the transactional nature of roadside assistance right. Jessica's this stacked blonde with a car that conveniently shits itself on some backroad, and you're the random guy who stops. The art looks like it was drawn by someone who learned anatomy from a deflated balloon, but whatever. The real horror is the minigame where you have to pick dialogue options. I picked what I thought was smooth, something about her headlights, and she called me a creep and the game basically softlocked. Reloaded, tried the boring mechanic option, and suddenly she's all grateful and bending over the engine. Make it make sense.

The sex scene that follows is this bizarre unlockable where you just click body parts and her expression cycles through the same three PNGs. It's like operating a vending machine that dispenses moans. Her tits are massive, physics defying, with nipples that could cut glass. The thrusting animation loops so aggressively I thought my browser was crashing. There's no finesse, no buildup, just straight to pound town with a soundtrack that sounds like a dying modem. I've seen more romance in a gas station hot dog.

The blonde trope is so overdone it wraps back around to being funny. She's got the IQ of a lug nut but somehow owns a car. At one point you're just staring at her ass while she's bent over the open hood and the game expects you to, I dunno, solve a piston ring failure? The pickup logic is insane, you fail if you're too horny but also fail if you're not horny enough. I wish there was a secret ending where you just steal her catalytic converter and leave.