The inventory screen is a mess. I spent maybe twenty minutes just dragging a weird glowing dildo back and forth across the grid, trying to make it fit next to three health potions and what I think is a jar of space lube. The tutorial popup kept flashing "ROTATE ITEM" but the button was hidden behind the character portrait. Kouia just stood there in her half torn suit, blinking slowly, like she was judging my organizational skills. Classic turn based strategy problem, right? Not the tactics, the fucking UI.

Battles start when you warp into a random sector and some tentacle beast or horny space pirate decides today's the day. The combat is this strange mix of rock paper scissors and, uh, penetration. You pick a stance, they pick a stance, and if you win the round, Kouia gets railed in a new position. Lose, and she gets railed anyway but takes damage. It's hard sex as a damage type. There's a shop on the hub station that sells "battle stims" which are basically just different flavored aphrodisiacs. I bought one called "Nebula Nectar" and the description just said "makes losing feel better." Didn't change the animations though, which was a letdown. Same three looped scenes per enemy type. The space pirate captain has this one move where he just keeps slapping her ass while a critical hit sound plays over and over. Ding. Slap. Ding. Slap. I muted it after the fourth fight.

Exploration is where the game actually gets weirdly compelling. You fly this clunky ship between planets and sometimes you just find a distress beacon. One time I answered and it was a sentient cloud that wanted to have a philosophical debate about orgasms before dissolving into a puddle on the cockpit floor. No fight, no reward, just a puddle. Kouia mopped it up with a rag from the inventory. I still have the rag. It's taking up a slot next to the dildo. I can't sell it. The shopkeeper on Rigel VII only buys weapons and "fluids" and apparently philosophical cloud residue doesn't count. Wish the game let me just toss junk into space but the discard button is greyed out. Forever. That rag is my curse now.