god, the tits in this thing are absolutely ridiculous. like, physics defying, back breaking, i can't look away ridiculous. the whole thing is a "test" about sex and relations, right? it's framed as this little personality quiz, but the background is just this anime girl with these massive, barely contained boobs staring at you the whole time. her top is struggling. i respect the struggle. i'm supposed to be answering questions about my "ideal relationship" but i'm just hypnotized by the jiggle animation that isn't even there, it's just a static image, but my brain is adding the bounce. that's effective design, i guess.

the questions are the usual stuff you'd find on a buzzfeed quiz from 2014, but horny. "what's your favorite position?" and the answers are all like "doggy style (very passionate!)" or "missionary (you love intimacy!)". i picked the most unhinged options just to see what would happen. the test told me i need to "communicate more with my partner" and then gave me a score that meant nothing. it's a porn game that forgets it's a porn game for a second and tries to be your therapist. a therapist with enormous honkers staring at you, judging your answers about whether you prefer cuddling or getting railed.

there's no real gameplay. you click answers, you get a result, you stare at the boobs. that's the loop. i wish the test actually got more unhinged based on your answers, like if you pick the freaky stuff it just calls you a degenerate and shows you a different, even more absurd picture. but it doesn't. it stays polite. a polite, titty quiz. the whole thing feels like it was made in an afternoon by someone who just learned how to code and really, really needed to share their specific vision of a woman with a spine made of titanium. respect.