The karaoke meter sits at 92 percent and Slugger is belting about wanting tits for Christmas while a real woman in a red lace bra pretends to care. This is not a game about singing. It is a game about watching a horny cartoon man serenade a photoshoot model who has clearly been paid to stand there and occasionally wink at the camera. The whole thing runs in your browser like a fever dream you accidentally clicked on while looking for holiday wallpaper.

I kept waiting for a button that would let me throw a snowball or adjust the lighting or something. There is no such button. You click the mic icon, the song plays, the model shifts her weight, and a bar fills up. Sometimes a new photo unlocks, which is just the same woman in slightly less clothing holding a candy cane like she has never seen one before. The real human tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting here because the actual erotic content is about as spicy as a department store catalog from 2003. But I will admit, when the chorus hit and she leaned forward, I forgot the lyrics were basically "boobs boobs boobs" repeated over a synth beat that sounds like it was recorded in a bathroom.

There is a strange honesty to it. Nobody involved thought they were making art. Slugger wants boobs for Xmas. That is the plot. That is the entire plot. And the game does not waste your time pretending otherwise. The nude tag is misleading though, you will see lingerie and maybe a hint of nipple if you squint at the right unlock, but nothing that would get you fired from a retail job. Unless you work at a church.

The karaoke aspect is broken in a charming way. You can mute the vocals and just hear the backing track, which is mostly sleigh bells and a bass line that never changes key. I found myself humming it later while doing dishes. That is either a compliment or a warning.