Game loads up and there's this girl, right? Real human, not some drawing. Big tits practically falling out of some lacy black thing. She's dancing, swaying her hips, looking at the camera like she knows exactly what you're thinking. And you're thinking finally, some actual xxx game that delivers. The video quality is shit though. Like, 2007 webcam shit. Pixelated in all the wrong places. But whatever, she's hot, she's stripping, the music is some generic royalty free beat that sounds like it came preloaded on a Windows Vista demo.
Then the censorship dude pops up. Some cartoon mascot looking motherfucker with a censor bar. He's literally blocking her nipples. Every time she gets close to showing something good, there he is. Popping up from the bottom of the screen like a herpes sore. You can almost see her areola and then BAM, this smug little pixel prick ruins it. The game description wasn't lying. You won't see a single nipple. Not one.
I kept playing though. Like an idiot. Kept thinking maybe if I clicked somewhere specific or waited long enough the censor would glitch out. Nope. The whole thing is just this loop of almost seeing tits. The striptease aspect is there technically, she removes clothes, but the payoff never comes. It's edging without the release. Some people are into that I guess. The lingerie is nice though. Black lace, red satin in another clip. She's got that look, you know the one, where she bites her lip and you forget for a second that you're being trolled by a flash game from probably 2008. Then the censor guy winks or some shit and you remember you're the punchline.