The first thing that hits you is the smell. Not literally, but the game opens in a village so rank you can almost taste it through the screen. Luke and his dad are shoveling shit or whatever, and then dad croaks. Classic hero origin, right? Except instead of a sword, Luke gets a boner and a map. The whole thing runs in browser, no download, which is nice because I have enough junk on my laptop.

The sex scenes are rough. Like, genuinely rough. Blonde girls get the worst of it, but they seem into it. Blowjobs are everywhere, and the animation is janky in a way that somehow makes it hotter. Like watching a porno filmed on a potato. The Big Hero 6 tag is weird though. I kept waiting for Baymax to show up and offer emotional support, but no. Maybe it's a mod thing. The community has already started messing with the files, adding extra dialogue and even a few custom scenes. Someone on a forum I lurk made a patch that gives Luke a mullet. Why? No idea.

The adventure part is thin. You walk, you talk, you fuck. Repeat. The writing is bad in a charming way, like a horny teenager wrote it between classes. I wish there was more variety in the women, but the game knows what it is. It doesn't pretend to be deep. It's a stinky village, a dead dad, and a lot of willing blondes. If you're the kind of player who skips dialogue to get to the cumshot, you'll be fine. If you want story, go read a book. Actually, don't. Books don't have this many blowjobs.