The Bioloids convention panel was a disaster last year, some guy in a lab coat kept asking about Asimov's laws while I'm just trying to figure out if the new pleasure model's silicone blend can handle, you know, the torque. This game gets it. Forget the ethics committee, the scientists here went full profit mode and honestly, thank fuck for that. The Bioloid in my playthrough, I named her Circuit because I'm not creative, has this dead eyed stare that's supposed to be blank but when she's going down, it's like she's calculating the exact pressure per square inch and it's weirdly hot. The oral animations are janky, her jaw unhinges slightly like a snake and I wish they'd fix that but they won't, it's part of the charm maybe.

The rough sex tag isn't playing around. There's a moment where you can grab her hair, which feels like those cheap doll wigs from a party store, and the whole head tilts back with a mechanical whir. I laughed, then immediately felt something. The hard sex scenes have this repetitive squeaking sound, like a rusty hinge, and I spent ten minutes trying to adjust the audio settings on my phone thinking it was a notification from my banking app. It wasn't. It's just the Bioloid's hip joint. A DLC where you can oil the joints would be peak immersion, or maybe a customization pack for different wig textures because this one is giving Party City clearance bin.

There's no romance here, it's a transaction, and the game doesn't pretend otherwise. The Bioloid's dialogue is all pre recorded affirmations, "Optimal pleasure sequence initiated," which should kill the mood but somehow loops back to being hilarious and then, against all logic, arousing. It's like fucking a Speak & Spell that was designed by a horny engineer. The humanoid robot design is basic, smooth plastic looking, but the way the light catches the seams during certain positions, I don't know, it's a detail that works. I just wish there was a mute button for the constant internal fan noise. It sounds like my old laptop trying to run Photoshop.