You ever think about how weird it is that smooth jazz became the universal signifier for "this person is sexually adventurous but also owns at least three throw pillows"? I was listening to some Kenny G the other day, not by choice, my neighbor was playing it while doing something that sounded like furniture assembly, and it took me right back to this game. Paula. Met her in the smooth jazz section. The game doesn't let you forget that detail, it's like the writer was really proud of it. And honestly? Fair. It's a better meet-cute than most dating sims manage.

The whole thing is one date, one chance, don't fuck it up. Paula's got these massive tits that the 3D model doesn't quite know what to do with. They sort of exist in their own physics dimension, which is distracting but not in a bad way. More like watching a nature documentary where you're not sure if the animal is going to survive. The choices are what you'd expect, compliment her, be a creep, say something about jazz that makes you sound like you've never heard music before. I picked the wrong dialogue option once and she looked at me like I'd just admitted to eating soup with a fork. The game remembers. It has that Lesson of Passion DNA where one wrong move and you're going home alone to stare at your ceiling.

The sex scene, if you get there, is animated with this particular jank that I've come to associate with early 2010s browser games. Her hair clips through her shoulder. The sound design is... present. But there's something almost charming about how earnestly it tries to be hot. Like a golden retriever humping your leg, you can't really be mad at it. The blonde hair, the date setup, it's all very straightforward. No twists. No secret backstory about why she was really in that music store. Just Paula, her improbable chest, and your ability to not say something stupid about John Coltrane.