Undertail: Toriel is basically that one horny AU fanfic you read on your phone while pretending to “check emails” at work, except now it’s kind of a game and kind of a shitpost and somehow still hotter than it has any right to be. You wander around this janky little Underground knockoff where literally only Toriel exists, and yeah, that’s the whole point. No huge cast, no epic journey, just you and goat mom in a small world that feels like someone ripped out the first slice of Undertale and then said: “ok but what if we fuck it up. Literally.” It starts pretty innocent, like the original vibe, her leading you around, being caring, talking too much, all that. Then the dialogs slowly stop pretending this is wholesome. She “worries” about you in that clingy, possessive way, touches your sprite for too long, says things that sound like they came from a horny Discord RP at 4 in the afternoon when everybody pretends they’re normal.

The core hook is simple: those classic Undertale battle boxes, except now every turn feels like you’re edging through a weird roleplay. You still pick actions, but they’re all pushing the line: flirting, teasing, letting her “teach” you, or playing innocent and watching her get more frustrated. You pick “Flirt” and instead of the cutesy response you remember, she gives you something way more loaded, like she’s trying to be your mom and your dom and completely failing at choosing one. You dodge attacks while the game throws text at you about her body, her scent, her soft fur, her tits pressing against your character when she tries to “protect” you. The art is rough, not all angles are sexy, some of it feels like early DeviantArt energy, but that almost makes it better. It feels like watching someone’s fetish grow in real time. There are moments where you’re half jerking off and half going “wow, this is actually kind of depressing” because she is obviously lonely as hell, clinging to you like you’re the last bit of warmth in the Ruins. The game doesn’t really go anywhere bigger than that, and it doesn’t need to. No meta twist, no clever morality system, just a slow slide from motherly care to possessive lust, trapped in a little loop where the only exit is either her letting you go or you giving in and wanting to stay. It’s messy, horny, unfinished, emotionally weird, and yeah, that’s pretty much the charm.

Con-Quest is one of those horny little browser things that looks kind of silly at first, then three minutes later you’re way too invested in whether some half-naked Pikachu cosplayer is going to stomp you or blow you a kiss. It plays like an RPG that forgot to be serious, which is good, but if you care about accessibility like I do, it also kinda forgot blind and low-vision players exist. The whole game is just walls of small bright text on bright backgrounds, no text size slider, no contrast options, no colorblind presets, nothing. I tried zooming in with Chrome and Firefox, had to keep dragging the screen around like some weird porn spreadsheet. And yeah, I know, you came here to jerk off, not to read a UI audit, but still. When Vanilla storms around the convention hunting the money thief, you get these fun, snappy lines, but if you have any reading difficulty or ADHD it turns into “click, click, where was I again.” They sped up the text speed which sounds good, until your eyes are slower than the horny dialogue and you’re chasing every line like it is Snapchat. At least the animated portraits are nice and expressive, Ivy’s smug grin is perfect when she’s basically edging you with teasing comments, but they don’t help when you can’t tell which character is speaking because the name text is tiny and there is zero voice indication.

The lewd part is funny and stupid in a good way. You’re running around this con full of cosplayers who clearly did not come for child friendly content. There’s a Meowth girl who basically flirts by bullying you, dressed in ears, tail, tight little outfit that clings like latex, and the “reward” is you humiliating her through battle and then getting this multi-stage animated scene where she goes from cocky to absolutely ruined for you. It is not subtle. Pokemon parody everywhere, bootleg mons jokes, sexy Flygon girl pinned into this “oops I fell on you” pose, Mia and Nia doing this twin act that feels like it wants to be wholesome and still ends up about you undressing them with stickers. The sticker book is basically your porn gallery, of course, but cycling characters with keyboard or screen reader? Forget it. I tried NVDA and JAWS out of habit, they both just saw a pile of unlabeled buttons and decorative images. No alt text, no focus order that makes sense, just “button, button, button” so if you play by ear it is like trying to masturbate while somebody reads you the settings menu of Microsoft Word. The new second floor is fun to explore, the whole “Vanilla might have this thief killed” plot gives her a mean streak that is kinda hot, kinda scary, but if you’re sensitive to flicker or fast motion, the quick sliding portraits in dialogue and sudden UI shifts can be a bit much and there is no toggle. Funny thing is, they clearly know how to tweak code, optimize performance, hook up animated rewards, tease you with topless alt portraits, but a simple “bigger font” button or high-contrast mode is still missing. I keep grumbling about that while also chasing every new horny cosplayer quest like a dog with a bone, which probably says more about me than about the game.

This Metroid parody throws all that space bounty hunter dignity right out the airlock. Samus gets herself captured and tied up, which honestly feels like terrible tactical planning for someone who usually blows up entire planets. But hey, that's where the fun starts because now she's completely at your mercy in this interactive playground of debauchery.

The soundtrack? Pretty basic electronic stuff that tries to sound futuristic but mostly just loops in the background while you're busy exploring all the different ways to mess with our helpless heroine. Speaking of exploring, there's actually a decent variety of toys and tools at your disposal - vibrators, tentacles, the works. You can strip her down piece by piece or keep some of that iconic orange suit on if that's your thing. The customization options are surprisingly thorough, letting you decide whether you want her shaved or natural, and there's even a pissing mechanic that's... well, it exists. Some people are into that water sports action, though the animation quality is pretty rough around the edges. The whole thing feels like it was made by someone who had big ideas but maybe not the biggest budget to execute them properly.

What really gets me is how they managed to make Samus look both vulnerable and still recognizably badass even while she's completely helpless. The facial expressions change based on what you're doing to her, which adds some nice reactive elements to the experience. You can work your way up from gentle teasing to full-on hardcore penetration, and everything culminates in some pretty explosive creampie scenes that'll definitely satisfy if you're into that finishing move. The physics on her chest bounce around more than they probably should, but honestly that just adds to the whole over-the-top hentai vibe they're going for here.

Diva Mizuki on a bike is already funny to me. She looks like she should be on stage moaning into a mic, but instead she’s blasting down some empty road and almost runs over a girl just randomly lying in the middle of the street like she rage-quit real life. That whole opening is kinda messy in a good way. No big explanation, no sad story, just: hot girl, bike girl, “oh no what happened,” and then very fast it becomes “ok, let’s get her somewhere private and naked.” It feels like those nights where you open three tabs, one is Twitter, one is Pornhub, one is some weird hentai site, and you keep swapping between them until your brain is mush. This game basically does that for you, but with one redhead, one idol-looking Mizuki, and then that little surprise when the “pretty girl” suddenly has a dick and your brain just goes “ah, it’s this kind of story, ok.”

The vibe is horny but also lazy in a chill way. There’s no big drama, nobody is pretending this is deep. They talk in Japanese and honestly if you watched enough hentai before, you don’t need subtitles to understand “I’m shy, no wait, I’m actually insanely horny, wow look at all this cum.” I had Spotify lo-fi playlist on in background, some random “Tokyo chill beats to fuck your brain” thing, and it actually fit too well. The scenes move slow and then suddenly jump into rougher thrusts and loud moans, like you scroll your phone and accidentally hit max volume on a porn ad. One second Mizuki is playing the nice savior, the next she’s just covered in cum from both sides, acting like this is the most normal result of helping a stranger in the road. The redhead girl-turned-futa is my favorite part, because she starts all soft, almost innocent, then she’s slamming Mizuki’s huge ass from behind while the guy is stuffing her mouth, and it looks so wrong and so right at the same time. The game doesn’t care about realism. Positions just kind of happen. Suddenly Mizuki’s big boobs are bouncing right in your face, then cut, now you’re staring at a creampie leaking out while the other cock is still twitching. It’s like watching three horny people forgetting gravity exists.

If you want to really squeeze all the juice from this, don’t rush-click through. Let the scenes breathe a bit, focus on small stuff: how Mizuki’s body arches when she gets filled from both holes, the way the redhead’s cock pulses as she shoots a messy cumshot all over Mizuki’s face, that one angle where you only see her ass and dripping pussy and you realize someone put effort into that one frame like it’s a love letter to big asses. Mute the moans once, then replay with sound, see which hits harder. Try to time yourself with the final creampie, like a stupid mini-game only you know about. And if you catch yourself rewinding the same moment where both of them finish on her at once, it’s fine. This thing is built exactly for that kind of “just one more time, I swear” spiral.