Right so the whole thing kicks off with this guy Dennis who got you kicked out of school. Dick move. But instead of just punching him, the game is like, nah, let's rob his house. Specifically his electronics. Because that'll make your girl gang safe? The logic is shaky but I'm here for it. You pick your crew from this lineup, Henry knows secrets, Morgan does breaking in, Amy is the PC nerd, Rachel has the muscle, Lauren does the charm thing. Classic heist movie setup but with more anime tits.

The art is that unpolished hentai style where the lines are kinda thick and the coloring goes outside sometimes. Honestly it works. Feels like finding a doujin on a forgotten forum in 2009. The sex scenes are what you'd expect, lots of the double tag action which means you're not just picking one girl for the job and the fun parts. You can bring Joanna and Rachel along too if you want the full party. The choices actually matter for who ends up in what position, literally.

But here's the thing. The security tag. I kept waiting for some stealth minigame or like a guard patrol pattern to figure out. Nothing. You just click and the story happens. Massive blue balls on that front. The homework tag is also there which I guess refers to the planning phase where you sit around talking about the break in. It's just dialogue trees. Not bad dialogue, some of it's funny in that overly dramatic way these games get, but I wanted to actually do the crime. Not just read about doing the crime. Anyway the visual novel engine is barebones, no gallery mode that I could find which is criminal for a porn game. You have to replay the whole thing to see different pairings.

that camera zoom thing when clothes rip. who thought of that. it's like someone finally understood what we're actually here for. Con-Quest, right, this pokemon parody where everyone's in cosplay and the battle system is turn based but honestly who cares about strategy when the umbreon cosplayer exists. ultra rare my ass, i've been grinding that new beach area for three hours and nothing. the drop rates are criminal.

the writing is surprisingly funny though. like actually funny, not just "haha sex" funny. some of those random shop cutscenes had me wheezing. there's this one where... actually nevermind, spoilers. but the dialogue choices matter more than they should for a porn game. i picked the wrong response once and missed a whole scene. had to reload. which brings me to my complaint, why can't you run from boss fights anymore? i get it, stakes or whatever, but sometimes you just want to see the loss scene without committing to a full battle. the cuebone cosplayer boss wrecked me three times before i figured out the lightning spell scaling with max MP. which is another thing, the spell system is weirdly complex for what this is. fire damage scales with MP but also gets nerfed if you're shocked? grass spells do more damage under healing scissors debuff but less when on fire. i don't know who balanced this but they were definitely thinking with something other than their brain.

speaking of brains, the topless portraits. look, i'm not a patreon subscriber, i'm broke, but i typed "friendzonedagain" into the code input just to see what happens and it reverts everything back to clothed. cruel joke. absolutely cruel. the eevee animation having two parts now is nice though, the second part caught me off guard. and that new rival theme remix slaps harder than it has any right to. i've left the game open just to listen to it while doing other stuff. the stickers by grossgirl are a nice touch too, little details that make the whole thing feel less like a cheap parody and more like someone actually cared about making this weird horny pokemon adventure.

anyway the witch is still out there i guess. i'll get to her eventually. right after i find that damn umbreon cosplayer.

You ever get obsessed with one tiny thing in a game and it just breaks the whole experience? For me, it's the damn camera zoom. There's this new feature where it zooms in when you hit the next rip state during a battle, and I swear I spent more time trying to trigger that on the new Cuebone cosplayer than actually playing the RPG part. The animation is janky, the whole thing feels held together with tape, but that one close-up moment? Fuck, it works.

The game is basically a Pokemon parody where you wander around capturing these cosplay girls instead of monsters. You got your standard Nurse Joy, an Eevee girl with a two-part animation that I still haven't fully seen because she's "uncommon" or whatever. There's a new Umbreon cosplayer now too, ultra rare, which means I'll probably never find her without grinding for three hours. The combat is turn-based nonsense with spells that scale off your max MP, and there's this whole rock-paper-scissors thing with fire, grass, and lightning that I keep forgetting. Lightning does more damage when they're shocked but less if they have some healing debuff I can never remember the name of. It doesn't matter. Nobody's here for the strategy.

There's a Patreon code "friendzonedagain" that puts their clothes back on if you're into that kind of self-sabotage. I typed it in once just to see and immediately regretted it. The shop cutscenes trigger randomly now after you save certain characters, and I got one with the Nurse Joy that just... look, the dialogue is stupid, the art looks like a DeviantArt fever dream from 2010, and I've played through the beach area six times just to see if the new area past it has more of those cutscenes.

It's a mess. The shiny hunting mechanic barely works even after they patched it. The music is some fanmade Pokemon remix that gets stuck in your head like a parasite. I wish the boss fights let you run away still, but they changed that for some reason.

I just wanted to see the Eevee animation, man.

The first thing that hits you is the name. Funhaus jerk-em-off. Like, okay, no pretension here. You load it up and it's just... these dudes. The Funhaus boys. Staring at you with that dead eyed flash game look from 2005. I remember playing shit on Newgrounds that had more production value but honestly? That's the charm. It's so aggressively low effort it circles back around to being art. The kind of thing you'd find on a buried page of a forum and feel like you discovered a cursed artifact.

Mashing keys. That's the mechanic. Just fucking hammer the keyboard like you're trying to close a frozen browser tab and a cartoonishly large pixel wang starts doing its thing. The physics, if you can call them that, are completely broken. The spum animation triggers in this sudden, almost violent burst that looks less like a facial and more like a glitchy water balloon filled with mayo exploding. I laughed so hard I choked on my drink. There's no build up, no finesse. One second you're slapping the A key, the next it's a cumshot that defies anatomy and frame rate limitations. The sound design is nonexistent which somehow makes the whole thing more unhinged. Just the silence of your own degenerate actions and the clacking of keys.

You know what I can't get over? The faces. They just stay there. Unmoving. Accepting their fate. It's a hentai logic applied to real-ish looking dudes and it breaks my brain in the best way. I spent way too long trying to see if different keys changed the trajectory. They don't. It's the same chaotic spum every time. For a game tagged with hard sex and big cock, it's weirdly innocent? Like a child's drawing of something filthy. The creator literally says don't expect much and they're right. But I keep going back to mash those keys. It's broken. It's stupid. I love it.

The whole thing feels like it was coded in a basement by someone who just discovered RPG Maker and a folder full of rule 34 Pokemon pics. And honestly? That's the charm. It's called something like Poke Date or whatever, I already forgot the exact title. You play as some dude who walks into a convention center and immediately starts trying to bang every cosplayer in sight. The dialogue is so stupid it loops back around to being genius. One minute you're talking to a girl dressed as Umbreon, the next you're in a fucking courtroom mini game. A courtroom. For what? I don't know, probably public indecency.

The pickup line mechanic is broken in the best way. You get these dialogue options that read like they were translated through three different languages and then back to English by a horny AI. "Your costume makes my pokeballs tingle" is an actual thing you can say. And sometimes it works. The game doesn't give a shit about logic. I spent twenty minutes trying to find this ultra rare James cosplayer because the Patreon notes said she had a hidden reward. James. From Team Rocket. The reward image was just her in a bikini and I laughed so hard I almost closed the tab. But I didn't. Because the art by that PuddingPack person has this rough, sketchy quality that somehow makes the whole thing hotter than those polished 3D porn games where everyone looks like a plastic doll.

The casino area has a rare book. No idea what it does. The stickers by GrossGirl pop up randomly and I still don't understand the point of collecting them. The boss music by EternalSushi slaps way harder than it has any right to for a game where you can see topless versions of character portraits if you pay the devs on Patreon. The whole experience is like scrolling through Newgrounds at 2 AM in 2007, clicking on anything with a suggestive thumbnail, and being rewarded with something that's equal parts cringe and genuine fap material. The Umbreon reward has an animation now, which is just a looping jiggle effect, but it's the thought that counts.

The throat bulge thing, okay, that's what stuck with me. Not the combat, not the demon lore, just that one specific animation where you can see it moving. The Hottie Ride 69 scene. They're not lying when they say it's complex, the way the model's neck distends and shifts, it's the kind of detail that makes you forget you're playing a deliberately unpolished game. The rest of the visuals are, well, they're there. The new Spawning Den background looks like a decent upgrade but then you clip through a wall during a fight and remember this is a constant development thing. It's a mess, a horny, ambitious mess.

Speaking of fights, the turn based combat is violent and honestly a bit of a slog until you figure out you can just grind the succubus encounters. I spent way too long trying to beat the demoness Hottie, there's a whole guide on their Patreon for it which I definitely didn't read until after failing six times. The new Hanging Sex Slave scene has a particular charm, they said. It's weirdly static compared to the other animations, almost like a posed figure, but that stillness makes it more... I don't know, clinical? In a hot way? The camera views they added let you spin around it which helps.

The interactive menu got new icons, more detailed, which is fine I guess. Why does a lust demon from the second circle of hell need a menu with animated backgrounds? The option's there now, first introduction of it. Feels like they're throwing everything at the wall. The patron only animations, three new ones, I can't speak to those. But the core loop is explore, fight, fuck, repeat. The evolving characters thing is mentioned but Lust herself still feels like a vessel for whatever position they've coded this month. The 69 scene though. That bulge. It's going to live in my head rent free next to the memory of accidentally softlocking myself in the main hall.

you ever just stare at a grid and think... yeah, i'd tap that? soryu is this rpg thing that feels like it was coded during a fever dream after one too many energy drinks. the art's got that crunchy early 2000s flash game vibe, lines all wobbly like the artist was drawing with their non-dominant hand. and honestly? that's the charm. it's not polished, it's not smooth, it's like finding an old hentai doujin in a forgotten corner of the internet. my brain immediately starts cooking up fanart where the characters are melting into the pixel grid, all glitched out and horny.

the new battle system got added apparently, and it's... a thing that exists. you click, numbers happen, clothes come off. standard stuff. but then the music kicks in and it's this weirdly hypnotic synth loop that made me forget what i was doing. i spent like ten minutes just adjusting the volume slider because who puts that in a porn game? a madman, that's who. there's a new scene too, and some lines of dialogue that are trying so hard to be edgy but end up reading like a google translate of a bad visual novel. i live for that shit. the menu's new as well, all blocky and functional, like someone discovered UI design yesterday and went "yes, rectangles."

the discord link is right there, begging for feedback, and i respect the hustle. patreon too. but let's talk about what's missing. the grid based stuff could be way more interactive, you know? like, let me trace the lines with my cursor and have the character react. or maybe that's too much work. i dunno. the whole thing feels like a sketch that accidentally got published, and i'm here for the messy energy. just wish there was more of it. more scenes, more weird dialogue, more of that strange music. also the volume slider is genuinely the best feature and i'm not joking. it's so rare to see basic functionality in these games that it becomes erotic in itself.

The ogre’s cock is the size of her forearm and the game doesn’t pretend otherwise. This is a mini gif commission, so you get one scene, maybe two, and it’s all about linmei quan getting wrecked in a dungeon. No build up, no story, just the fantasy tags doing their job. Big tits, big cock, cumshot, creampie. You know what you’re here for.

The gif loops are rough, deliberately unpolished. The animation stutters in places, like the artist didn’t bother with in-betweens. Her tits bounce weird, one frame they’re up, next they’re down, no smooth motion. But honestly? That jank adds to the rawness. It feels like a leaked commission, not a polished product. The ogre’s balls slap against her ass with zero physics, just two frames of impact. I wish there was a sound toggle, but there won’t be. You get the wet squelch visual and that’s it.

The creampie moment is the whole point. It’s not subtle. The cumshot is over the top, ropes of it, and then the creampie just keeps leaking out while the loop resets. You can almost hear the sloppy sound in your head. Replayability? You’ll watch it three times, maybe four, then close the tab. It’s a snack, not a meal. But for a quick dungeon fantasy fix with an ogre who doesn’t ask permission, it works. The big tits tag is accurate, they’re huge, almost comically so, and they don’t move like real tits but who cares. This isn’t for realism.

One thing that bugs me: the dungeon background is just a grey wall. No chains, no torches, nothing. For a fantasy tag, it’s lazy. But then the ogre grunts and the loop starts again and I forget about the wall. That’s the trick, I guess. You don’t need a fancy dungeon when the action is this direct.

Mai's tits are basically the main character. There, I said it. The whole Quickie setup from Oppai Games is this bite sized visual novel thing, and this one drops you in Tokyo with a pianist who's got these massive, soft looking oppai spilling out of her dress before you even learn her name. The art isn't trying to be some hyper detailed oil painting, it's got this slightly unpolished charm, like a really good doujin where the artist spent all their skill points on the chest area and the backgrounds are just... there. A lamp. A piano. Who cares, look at the shading on those things.

You're trying to seduce her, picking dialogue choices that feel like you're fumbling through a pickup attempt after one too many strong zeros. The writing has this weird translation vibe, not bad, just... off. Like someone learned English from old movies. "You are looking most beautiful tonight." Sure, I'll take it. The choices are blunt instruments. Compliment her playing or stare at her chest. The game knows what you're here for and doesn't pretend otherwise. I clicked a choice that was basically "be smooth" and my character said something so awkward I had to close the tab for a second. Then I reopened it because, well.

The sound design. Oh man. It's a sampler of wet, squishy SFX that play at the slightest provocation. A kiss sounds like stirring mac and cheese. The sex scene hits and it's just a barrage of these over the top slapping noises that loop a bit too perfectly. It's not immersive, it's hilarious, and somehow that makes it better. Like watching a porno where the pizza guy actually just delivers the pizza and