Con-Quest is like getting lost in the horniest anime convention on earth, then realizing the dungeon is actually the dealer hall and every random encounter is a girl in a too-tight costume who wants to either fight you, fuck you, or both in the same five minutes. It pretends to be this goofy little RPG, with silly jokes and parody monsters, but after a while your brain just goes “ok whatever” and your hand is already on auto-pilot any time you see a new cosplay girl appear. The whole thing feels like someone mashed together a con schedule, a hentai folder, and an old-school RPG Maker project, then kept adding new lewd scenes every time fans yelled at them on Newgrounds and Patreon. It shouldn’t work as well as it does, but here we are.

The best part for me is how it doesn’t take itself seriously at all. You walk around this convention where everyone is half-naked and half-cursed, and suddenly you’re in a “battle” against some magical girl knockoff whose outfit looks like it lost a fight with gravity. You’re throwing items, doing simple attacks, trying to “capture” girls for your collection, and the game rewards you with these stupidly hot scenes where their outfits tear, or their spells misfire, or they end up tied up in some very not-PG pose. It’s like the game is constantly saying “yeah yeah, plot, whatever, here’s another horny cosplay disaster.” One second it’s joking about well-known anime titles, next second it’s just straight-up hentai with cum everywhere and you forgot there even was a quest log. Some of the humor lands hard, like when the boss thinks she’s this epic dark sorceress, but her attack animation looks like a cheap kids show and then her clothes pop off in a way that would absolutely get that show banned. Other jokes are just dumb and fall flat, but honestly by then you’re not reading, you’re staring at thighs.

I really like that it’s not polished in that AAA way. The sprites and CGs have this messy, horny energy, like the artist was giggling half the time drawing tits bigger than the character’s head, and the animations sometimes loop a bit weird, but it actually makes the whole thing feel more personal, more “made for us” instead of for some imaginary horny focus group. You wander around, bump into some girl dressed as a wizard, lose the fight on purpose just to see what the “punishment” scene is, then reload and win so you can see the other version too. There are these little moments, like when you’re in a random hallway with nothing happening, and suddenly you trigger a silly side event with a cosplayer whose costume is falling apart piece by piece while she tries to cast spells and keep her tits inside the fabric at the same time, and you just think “yes, this is the real endgame.” There are small things that annoy me, like how sometimes you want to replay a scene and the game makes you slog through a bit of clicking again and again, and you never quite know if you missed a secret lewd event or if it just isn’t there yet. But that kind of chaos is also what keeps me checking back for new episodes, seeing which character got turned into magical fodder next. If you want to squeeze everything out of it, my only real advice is: click on stupid stuff, lose on purpose sometimes, and never trust a girl in a cute outfit holding a magic staff. She’s either going to blast you or blow you, and honestly, both routes are worth seeing.