Bianca’s portrait card has this weird smudge near her collarbone, like someone wiped the screen with a greasy thumb and just left it. I can’t stop staring at it. The whole thing feels like finding a stack of old Dragon Quest doujinshi in a bargain bin, pages stuck together, that specific cheap ink smell practically wafting out of the monitor. You pick a girl, Minea or Jessica or whoever, and the pre fight screen is just a mess of stats. I spent way too long trying to figure out if the “Puff-Puff” ability actually does anything or if it’s just a text joke that lowers your defense. It’s a parody, sure, but the parody is mostly just slapping these familiar character designs onto a bare bones rock paper scissors system with a hentai gallery unlock.

The fight itself. God. You click “Frizz” and a line of text tells you Alena dodged. That’s it. No animation, just a pict of her smirking. The big tits are there in the static art, I guess, but they’re just... there. Stiff. The real erotic appeal is supposed to be the reward pictures, which are decently drawn if you ignore the weird anatomy on Maniya’s spine in the second one. I beat Jessica with a lucky streak of criticals and the resulting image was hot in a nostalgic, tracing paper kind of way, but then I immediately lost to the same girl using the exact same strategy and wanted to throw my laptop. The game doesn’t care. It just resets.

There’s a lesson here for the dating column. Never trust a person whose stats screen is incomprehensible. If you can’t tell what their “Charm” stat actually influences, they’re probably going to dodge your emotional Frizz and leave you with nothing but a text log of your own failure. The Alena fight is brutal because her agility is busted, a true tsundere nightmare. I kept spamming the wrong ability and the game just kept printing “But it missed!” in this mocking little font. The whole thing is a deliberate, unpolished mess that somehow still activates the same part of my brain that collected these pictures on a dial up connection. The smudge is still there. I checked again. It’s definitely part of the file.