The dildo rocket wobbles. That’s the first thing. Not in a sexy way, more like a shopping cart with one bad wheel, and you’re supposed to steer this thing with just the mouse while these pixelated brunette space babes drift across the screen. The whole premise is so stupid it loops back around to something almost profound. You’re firing a vibrating projectile at virgin pussy planets. I don’t know what I expected. The arcade shooter part is bare, just a crosshair and a score counter that climbs as you strip the girls down. Hit the target, a piece of clothing vanishes. Miss, and the rocket veers off into the void with a sad little buzz.

The blonde one on the second level has this expression that’s supposed to be coy but just looks like she’s trying to remember if she left the oven on. The real model tag is doing some heavy lifting here, the photos are grainy, compressed to hell, like they were downloaded off a forum in 2006. There’s a weird charm to it. A lesbian scene unlocks if you don’t miss a shot for a full minute and I spent way too long trying to get it, my wrist aching, only for the animation to be two static images flickering back and forth. I laughed. Not with the game, exactly, but at the sheer audacity.

The striptease mechanic is the whole game. No health bars, no enemies, just you and these women who stare at the ceiling while their bras dissolve. I wish the rocket had a sound that wasn’t just a stock laser effect. Something wetter, maybe. The whole thing feels like a dirty joke told by a computer that doesn’t understand the punchline. It’s not good. I played it three times. The brunette’s left stocking glitches and stays on no matter what, a permanent nylon ghost. That’s the kind of detail that sticks with you, not the nudity.