Right, so I'm supposed to be filing the Henderson account spreadsheets but my boss is in a meeting about synergy or whatever, so I'm alt-tabbing through this thing called Snow Daze or... wait, no, that's not it. The one with the frozen world and the grumpy Santa who's gonna turn you into a snowman. The premise is so stupid I love it. You deck Santa, and now you've got till dawn to deliver some mystery box or become a lawn ornament. The writing doesn't take itself seriously at all, which is a relief because the first monster girl you meet is literally stuck to a frozen lake by her massive, and I mean massive, ass. You have to, uh, warm her up. The groping mechanics are this weird minigame where you're rubbing the mouse all over her sprite while she makes these over-the-top moans, and I'm sitting there praying nobody walks by my cubicle.
The side-scroller bits are janky as hell. Your character slides around like he's got butter on his boots, and I spent ten minutes trying to jump onto a stupid ice platform that was right there. The resource gathering is basic, pick up sticks, melt snowmen with your... let's call it enthusiasm, craft a key. But then you find the elf girl in the hot spring and suddenly it's a full animated scene with her tits bouncing and a creampie finish that's way more detailed than the actual game world. The contrast is jarring. The winter theme is just an excuse for frosty nipples and visible breath during the oral scenes, which, okay, I'm not complaining about that specific detail.
The sandbox part means you can wander into areas you're not ready for and get soft-locked by a puzzle that needs an item from three screens back. I wish the map was less of a maze. The humor lands sometimes, like the snowman who gives you shitty life advice, but the teasing from the monster girls gets repetitive. You'll be trying to figure out a crafting recipe while a harpy is literally flashing you as a distraction. It's a game that knows exactly what it is, a delivery system for holiday-themed fucking wrapped in a frustrating little adventure. I still don't know what was in that present.