The chiptune in my head while playing this was some off key Aphex Twin b side, you know the one that sounds like a calculator having a meltdown. That fits. Because Futaland is a mess. A glorious, sticky, what the fuck am I looking at mess. The premise is a love potion gone wrong, a zombie outbreak in a biology university. Standard stuff. But the zombies aren't the point. The point is the futa cock on Miella, the yellow haired one, which is rendered with a kind of loving, almost architectural detail that the rest of the game's art doesn't bother with. It's like the artist spent three weeks on that one asset and then remembered there were backgrounds to draw on the bus to the deadline.

The writing has this strange, translated by a person who learned English from old 4chan threads quality. Miella is deeply in love with Roxelane, the orange haired girl with tits that defy the physics of a school setting. You, the male protagonist, are just sort of there, a pair of hands and a dick that the scenes orbit around. There's a femboy named Mayro with blue hair who is incredibly affectionate, the game tells you this directly, and then he's just... there. Sometimes. The oral sex scenes have this frantic, repetitive loop to them, the same squelch sound effect firing at the wrong interval, like a sample on a tracker that's been mistimed. I spent way too long trying to figure out if the creampie animation was a feature or a bug, the way it just appears and then vanishes. It's not polished. It's sandpaper.

But that's the thing. You don't boot up a game called Futaland for a smooth ride. You're here for the specific, unhinged collision of monster girl logic and a school setting that feels like it was drawn from memory by someone who hated high school. The anal sex scene with Roxelane has a dialogue choice that just says "Proceed" and it's the most honest thing in the whole game. I wish the virus plot mattered at all, it's just a timer between sex scenes. The whole thing feels like a corrupted ROM of a better game, and that's its charm. It's like finding a weird hentai OVA on a dusty server and just... letting it play.