The golf swing feels wrong from the first click. Not in a broken way, more like the physics engine had a few drinks and decided gravity was optional. You line up a shot, the ball launches, and then this little shit of a hamster pops out of a hole, twerks, and your ball ricochets into a sand trap. I spent way too long trying to hit that rodent with a nine iron. The girls on the sidelines clap when you miss. They clap harder when you nail him. It’s stupid. I kept playing.

The striptease mechanic is tied to your score, which is the only reason I didn’t alt-tab after the third hole. Each successful hamster bonk removes a layer from the real model standing by the green. She’s got this bored expression, like she’s waiting for a bus, but then the bra comes off and suddenly she’s very interested in your backswing. The humor lands somewhere between a Newgrounds flash game and a fever dream. One minute you’re calculating wind resistance, the next a hamster in a tiny golf cart drives across the fairway and your ball explodes into confetti.

The arcade minigame between holes is a rhythm thing where you click to make the girl dance. I have no idea if it affects anything. The whole thing runs in browser, no install, which is good because I would never admit to downloading this. The real model tag is doing heavy lifting here. She’s attractive but the animation is stiff, like a mannequin learning to pole dance. Still, when the hamster finally gets hit and the screen flashes “HOLE IN ONE, PERVERT,” I laughed out loud. Then I reset and tried to get a better angle on the next striptease. Don’t judge me.