The captain’s hat is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, and I don’t mean that as a compliment. It sits on his head like a sad, deflated pastry while he’s getting railed against the ship’s wheel. The whole thing has this crusty Flash-era charm where the moans sound like they were recorded in a bathroom next to a running faucet. Voice acting is a choice. A wet, echoey choice.

So it’s a cruise, right? But the ship feels less like a luxury liner and more like a series of beige hallways that exist solely to connect one dick to another orifice. The muscle definition on these guys is absurd. They look like a stack of inflated gym bags that learned how to kiss. There’s a specific moment where a guy in a uniform, I think he’s supposed to be a porter or something, bends over a luggage cart and the animation loops so aggressively it looks like his spine is trying to escape his body. I couldn’t stop watching. The sound of the squeaking cart wheel was louder than the actual sex noises for a solid ten seconds. That’s the kind of detail that sticks with you.

I spent way too long trying to figure out if the captain’s chest hair was a separate layer or just painted on. It doesn’t move when he breathes. It’s just there, a static pelt of authority. The humor is definitely unintentional, which makes it better. There’s a plot about a missing passenger or a stolen ticket or something? I don’t know. I was distracted by the way the sailor’s pants just evaporated off his body with a single click. No unbuttoning, no struggle. Just poof. Gone. Like magic, but hornier. The whole thing feels like finding a sticky magazine under a deck chair, except the magazine is animated and keeps asking if you want to see the engine room. The engine room is just another beige hallway with a different looped grunt track. I checked.