The first thing that hits you is the mouse cursor. It's this chunky, slightly off center thing that feels like dragging your finger through cold syrup. Every click has a tiny delay, a little resistance that makes you aware of the act of clicking. I don't know why that stuck with me but it did. The whole game has this texture like a book with pages that are slightly damp, not ruined, just... present. You feel the interface in a way most games smooth over.

Anyway you're a dude who can do magic, the only one apparently, and you show up at this academy that's basically a rundown shack with three staff members. The director lady has these glasses that catch the light wrong and her dialogue boxes have a slight shake to them, like the text is vibrating. It's not a bug I think, it's just how she talks. Your best buddy comes along and he's completely useless, just stands there while you fumble through conversations with witches who've never seen a man before. The whole concept is absurd. They treat your dick like it's some kind of mythical artifact and the writing leans into that so hard you can't help but laugh. There's a scene with the nurse where she's doing a checkup and the stethoscope is cold, you can almost feel the metal disc on your chest through the screen, and then it's not on your chest anymore and things escalate.

The magic system is barely there. You click things and stuff happens. Who cares. The real game is watching these sheltered witch girls discover what a boner is and the dialogue reads like someone translated it through three languages and then back again on purpose. It's horny and stupid and the sound effects are just these wet slaps that loop slightly out of sync. I kept playing because the teacher character has this way of tilting her head that makes her hat almost fall off and she never fixes it, just lets it hang there at a dangerous angle while she explains magical theory that makes no sense. The whole academy is falling apart and nobody's learning anything and honestly that's the point.