Right so this one is a flash game, you know the kind, runs in a browser and probably still uses that old newgrounds player or whatever. And it's a Mario parody. Not the first one in this "Mario is Missing" series apparently, they keep making these. This version has more buttons than sense, hit the thing in the bottom left and you get a whole keyboard map. Why do I need shift and control keys for a porn game. That's the first thing that bugs me, you spend more time figuring out the controls than actually... you know. The action is a sidescroller but the collision is all janky, sometimes you jump on a goomba and it just doesn't register and then you're dead. But dying isn't the point is it.

The whole thing is Princess Peach getting railed by various koopas and goombas and whatever else pops out of a pipe. The sprites are ripped straight from the original NES game but then they just drew dicks on them. I mean literally, the koopa has a massive green thing, it's so crudely drawn it loops back around to being funny. There's this one scene where she's bent over a question block and the animation is just three frames on repeat. But then sometimes the humor lands, like when you get a power up and instead of a mushroom it's... something else. The sounds are all the original 8-bit bloops and bleeps but then they spliced in these awful wet slapping noises that don't match at all. It's jarring.

I keep getting stuck on world 1-2 because the secret exit to the actual lewd content is hidden behind some pixel perfect jump and I just... why. The whole thing is a mess. But I also played it for like forty minutes straight. The way the enemies just keep coming and Peach's sprite gets more disheveled, her dress ripping, it's got this weird grindhouse energy. Don't expect to finish the game, just mash buttons and see what happens. The warp zones are a lie.