Blonde cop just standing there, uniform barely zipped, and I'm supposed to hit a ping pong ball. No. Not a ball. It's very clearly not a ball. She's there looking bored or maybe not bored, hard to tell with that face, but the whole thing is pong except every time you miss she does this little thing with her hip. I spent maybe too long just letting the ball drop because honestly the losing animation was more interesting. The racket feels weird, sluggish. Not in a bad way but my timing was off the whole first round and she has this look like "are you even trying" and I wasn't, not really.

Wish there was a practice mode but there isn't and it's just you and this policewoman who apparently stores a pink dildo in her holster, which I guess is a choice. The striptease thing happens gradually except not gradually at all because it's tied to scoring and I suck at pong so it took me forever to realize clothes were actually coming off. Like, I thought it was just the lighting changing or something but nope. By the time I got her jacket off my wrist hurt from the weird clicking pattern I developed, where I just spam in one direction and hope the physics work out. They don't always.

That one shot where she bends to pick up the paddle she dropped, the angle from behind with those uniform pants stretching, that's when I understood what the game actually wants from me. Not to win. Not to be good at sports. There's this dildo sitting on the table edge the whole time and I kept wondering if hitting it counts for points but no, it's just there, waiting for later when you earn enough strips I guess. The "real model" tag makes sense, not in the uncanny valley way, but she looks like someone I'd see on a niche adult casting site from 2012. Not a complaint. Anyway the blonde ponytail physics distract more than they should during fast serves.