Fuck me, the hitboxes in this thing. You’re supposed to be hunting these pixelated blondes in a club, right? It’s a shooter, but you’re not blasting them with bullets. You’re, uh, removing layers. With a cursor. And sometimes the cursor just doesn’t connect, even when the little crosshair is right on the edge of her skirt. Drove me nuts. I was clicking like a madman, trying to get this one specific girl’s top off, and the game just wouldn’t register. Probably a browser thing, since it’s one of those mobile-friendly arcade bits. Felt like trying to snipe a Zubat in a cave with a laggy connection, pure muscle memory and prayer.

But then it works. That stupid little jingle plays and a piece of clothing vanishes. The whole thing is this weird, scuffed Pokemon GO parody, but instead of throwing balls, you’re doing a strip hunt. The “real model” tag is generous. It’s grainy photos of a woman with blonde hair doing a striptease, looped badly. The animation is about as smooth as a flipbook made of sandpaper. You’d think a game about stripping would have, I don’t know, better transitions? Instead she just kind of snaps from one pose to the next. I wish there was a sound effect for each piece coming off, a little rip or something, but the silence is just filled with my own frustrated breathing and the generic arcade beeps. The whole thing feels like it was coded on a phone during a lunch break, and not in a charming indie way. In a “this will crash if I breathe wrong” way.

There’s no real game here, just a gallery locked behind a painfully simple mechanic. I kept going back to one scene with a girl in a tight red dress. The way the pixelation fuzzes out the good bits right when you think you’re gonna see something... it’s a special kind of torture. My collection of gifs from this is gonna be a slideshow of disappointment, each frame a battle won against a terrible user interface. It’s garbage. I’ve already played it three times today.