The blonde in the schoolgirl uniform deals the cards with zero expression, like she's working a shift at a DMV. I'm supposed to play poker against her while a billiard table sits in the background, balls scattered from some previous game I didn't see. The whole setup feels like someone's half remembered dream after falling asleep watching late night cable.

Here's the thing that actually works, though. Every time you win a poker hand, she strips something off. But it's tied to billiard scores somehow. I pocketed three balls earlier and suddenly I could discard that many cards in the next round. The mechanic is genuinely clever, linking two completely unrelated games through a striptease system. The real model they scanned for this looks uncomfortable, not in a sexy way but like she's cold and wants to go home. Her movements during the strip sequences are jerky, almost robotic. One nipple pops out and the physics are all wrong, just floating there like it's not attached to anything.

I spent way too long trying to figure out if the billiard table physics were intentionally bad or just broken. The cue ball sometimes phases through other balls. Sometimes it stops dead like it hit an invisible wall. The poker AI is dumber than a bag of hammers, folding on winning hands constantly. But I kept playing. Not because it's good, but because the whole thing has this weird, janky charm. Like finding a VHS tape in a thrift store that someone clearly made in their basement. The erotic parts aren't erotic at all, they're almost clinical. Yet I wanted to see what happened when she ran out of clothes. Spoiler, nothing interesting. She just stands there looking vaguely disappointed in both of us.