The coins don't fall, they float. That's the first thing that throws you off in Squirrel Wheel. Not a big deal, just this weird slow drift like they're underwater or something. You're moving this little basket left and right, trying to catch them while these girls in cages... no wait, wheels. They're in these big hamster wheel things, spinning slowly. One of them is this blonde in black lingerie who keeps looking at you like she's already bored and you haven't even failed yet.

I spent way too long just watching the physics. The coins have this slight wobble, and sometimes they clip through the edge of your basket if you're not dead center. Annoying as hell. But then the girl in the wheel does this little shimmy and her top comes off and suddenly I don't care about collision detection anymore. The real model thing is interesting, she's got that look like she's done this before, not some awkward 3D puppet. There's a rhythm to it, catch enough coins, pay up, she strips more. Miss too many and she just keeps spinning there fully clothed, which feels like a personal insult.

The arcade part is basic but the striptease mechanic is what keeps you going. You're not just watching, you're earning it. That sounds dumb when I type it out but it works. The catcher gameplay gets repetitive fast though, and I wish the wheels moved differently for each girl instead of the same slow rotation. But then the blonde loses the bra and does this thing with her hip against the wheel frame and I forget what I was complaining about. The whole thing feels like someone's weird fever dream after visiting a strip club and playing too much mobile games on the toilet. Not polished, not trying to be, and somehow that's the point.