I knew this was going to be a mess when Cyborg’s dick made that mechanical whirring sound. Not a joke. There’s an actual audio cue like a garage door opener engaging before he gets down to business, and honestly, that’s the level of craftsmanship we’re dealing with here. The whole thing feels like someone drew it on a bus ride then spilled coffee on the sketchbook. Jinx’s face during the first scene is... I don’t know what emotion that’s supposed to be. Surprise? Mild indigestion? She’s bent over some console that’s just a grey rectangle with blinking dots, and Cyborg’s hand is somewhere that might be her hip or might be a rendering error. The fingering animation loops three times then just stops, like the game got bored of itself.

Starfire’s route is where things get genuinely unhinged. Her eyes are looking in two different directions during the blowjob scene, which adds this unintentional horror element I couldn’t stop laughing at. The cumshot lands on her cheek but the texture is just a flat white circle that doesn’t follow the contours of her face, so it floats there like a tiny ghost. Raven’s scene has her levitating, which is canon I guess, but the artist clearly gave up on perspective because her legs are the same length as her torso. The lesbian content between Jinx and Starfire is the most competently animated part, which tells you exactly where the priorities were. Their fingering scene actually has, like, three whole frames of movement before it cycles.

I spent way too long staring at Cyborg’s metal arm clipping through Raven’s thigh. The fin on his head keeps changing size between scenes. Sometimes it’s a shark fin, sometimes it’s a sad little nub. Nobody tested this. Nobody cared. And yet I kept clicking through every route because there’s something hypnotic about watching someone’s barely functional porn parody collapse under its own ambition. The sound effects are stock library groans mixed with what I swear is a microwave beep. I wish Beast Boy was here. He’d probably be a green smear with googly eyes and I would’ve loved every broken frame of it.