This thing feels like some horny fanfic that escaped from AO3 and learned how to click on stuff. You start as this regular wizard guy in Hogwarts, nothing “chosen one” about him, more like the dude who sits in the back row and pretends to read, but his brain is just full of tits. The plot pretends it cares about classes and house points and all that, but let’s be honest, nobody is here for Transfiguration homework. It’s all about poking around the castle, getting into the girls’ routines, figuring out when Hermione is alone in the library, when Ginny sneaks off from the common room, when Tonks is bored enough to do something dumb and hot. The whole thing has this messy, half-finished feeling, like the devs were too busy being horny to polish the edges, and that actually kind of works. You click around, do some basic choices, talk to the girls, and slowly the game lets conversations turn from “what do you think about Quidditch” to “why are you looking at my chest, you perv?” and then further. It doesn’t rush; it just kind of slides there. I like that. I hate when porn games scream in your face from the first line.

Hermione is probably the one that will hook most people. She starts off all strict, nose in a book, giving you that disappointed prefect stare that makes you feel like you cheated on an exam you never took. Then you catch this small scene where she thinks nobody is watching and she is in a quiet corner with her hand under her skirt, pretending she is only fixing her stockings. That moment actually surprised me. No loud music, no big text, just a short loop and her biting her lip, trying not to moan. My English is not perfect, but even I got all the little hints in her dialogue when she starts asking you about “theoretical arousal responses” and “research” and you know she is just searching for an excuse to get your cock out. At the same time, the game kind of ruins it sometimes with jokes that feel like they were written on Discord while drunk. One scene starts hot, she is scolding you for peeking, and two lines later someone cracks a dumb meme reference that pulled me out of it. It is small, but it annoyed me, and I kept thinking about it way longer than needed. Then I forgot, honestly, because the next scene had her on her knees and my brain turned off.

Tonks is the opposite vibe. She is chaos. She feels like that older friend who once tells you “don’t be a creep” and then ten minutes later dares you to grab her ass “for science.” Her shapeshifting is not abused like I feared. It’s more teasing than full-on body horror porn. One time she changes her hair color while grinding on your lap, asking which version of her you like better, then gets fake offended when you pick the wrong one. Another time she jokes about taking Hermione’s face for you, then says it would be “too easy” and instead just grows her tits to Fleur size while giving a sloppy handjob behind a statue. The scene with her in the empty corridor, when she catches you sneaking after curfew and presses you against the wall, whispering how she could turn into your strict professor and punish you, but chooses to play as “naughty big sister” instead, that one stayed in my brain. There is something very simple and pure about it, even with her talking about stroking your cock under your robes and leaving you dripping. And then, the game suddenly makes a dumb pun with her name and I wanted to throw my mouse. Still pressed next.

Ginny is written a bit like she is trying to be tough but still shy. Some people will love that. For me it was hit and miss. One scene where she is practicing broom tricks alone and gets all flustered when you compliment how her ass looks from below, that was nice. She pretends to be angry, throws a quaffle at you, then later “accidentally” drops her towel when you end up in the locker room with her. The teasing is slow, like she is discovering that she likes being looked at. There is this moment when she climbs on top of you in the common room sofa, under a blanket, and moves her hips over your lap while pretending she is just trying to get “comfortable,” whispering that everyone is asleep. That felt real in a dumb, teenage way. She keeps biting her lip, asking if it feels good through the cloth, and your character is barely holding it together. Then, for no reason, the UI bugged for me, the text box flickered, and I got irrationally pissed. I reset the browser tab and forgot where in the scene I was. It never happened again but I still think about that one flicker. Stupid.

Narcissa though, she is the one that doesn’t really fit the school vibe, and that’s exactly why she works. She is cold, rich, older, and looks at you like you are dirt and also maybe her next toy. She is not all lovey or shy, she is control. The first time you end up alone with her, she is just sipping something expensive and making comments about how “boys your age are so easy to train.” She never even touches you at first, just makes you kneel and describe what you want to do to her body in detail, while she adjusts the front of her dress so you can see the outline of her tits. One of the better scenes is when she lets you masturbate for her, but forbids you from cumming until she finishes talking about “proper pure-blood etiquette.” You are there, hand moving under your robes, stomach tight, and she keeps pretending she doesn’t notice, then gives you one permission sentence and you basically explode in a few words. It’s rough and kind of humiliating and still weirdly vanilla, since it is just you, your hand, and her voice. I liked that they did not instantly go into whips or whatever. Just words and control.

Fleur… honestly I expected more. She is hot, like obviously, with that veela thing going. There is this cute bit where she acts super confident around everyone, then in private is actually a little insecure about how people only see her as a walking sex charm. There is a nice quiet scene with her at the lake, when she complains about idiots staring at her chest all day while the camera is, of course, staring at her chest. The contradiction felt very human. Later she sort of uses that veela aura on you while pretending she doesn’t, asking you to “help her practice her English.” The “practice” mostly looks like your character trying not to stare at her cleavage while she leans over and “accidentally” brushes her tits against your arm again and again, until you have to excuse yourself to the bathroom. That scene leads to a quick masturbation bit that ends way too fast. She deserved a longer build up, more slow burn, more kissing and less straight to wank. They probably will not change it, which sucks, but whatever.

For a “vanilla” lover like me, this game actually stays mostly in that safe, soft, handjob-blowjob-titjob zone. No crazy shit, no monsters, nobody is getting bound or carved up or anything. Just a lot of teasing, a lot of heavy breathing, and a lot of you jerking off in empty rooms while thinking about which witch made you the hardest that day. It feels clumsy sometimes, like a fanfic draft with horny energy but not always perfect pacing. Some dialogue reads like it was pasted from Twitter, some scenes could use more time, and I kept getting annoyed that the text sometimes moves too fast to really enjoy the little expressions. But then Hermione blushes, Tonks smirks, Ginny bites her lip, Narcissa crosses her legs just so, and my whole “purist, I prefer soft romance” brain goes quiet because, yeah, I still clicked on every filthy option they gave me.