The cards feel like they're sticking to the table. Not literally, it's a browser game, but there's this weird lag when you drag a five of clubs that makes the whole thing feel like you're playing poker through a thin layer of syrup. WonderFlush, that's the name they gave this thing, sits you across from two women who look like they were photographed for a stock image site and then had their clothes digitally painted into existence. The real model tag is doing some heavy lifting here.

The minigame itself is speed poker. Grab cards faster than the AI, make a hand, watch a piece of clothing vanish. The AI is either brain dead or a card counting savant, no middle ground. One round I'm building a flush while they're still fumbling with a pair of threes, next round I'm sitting there with nothing while one opponent has already stripped down to her underwear and is giving me this pixelated smirk that's supposed to be seductive but just looks like she needs to sneeze. The striptease animations are about as smooth as a brick in a tumble dryer. There's this one moment where a bra strap phases through a shoulder and I laughed out loud, which I don't think was the intended reaction.

You know what actually works though? The card designs. They've got this worn, almost greasy look to them, like they've been shuffled by a thousand nervous hands in a backroom game. Nice touch. Completely at odds with the sterile, overlit room the characters are sitting in. It's like someone dropped a prop from a noir film into a dentist's waiting room. The whole thing runs on what feels like borrowed code from a Flash game that escaped from 2007. I spent way too long trying to figure out if the background music is a loop of three notes or just my laptop fan wheezing. Probably both.