Princess Zelda here is not the noble wise girl from the usual Nintendo stuff. She is passed out drunk on a small table like after some shitty village party, legs open, clothes still “kind of” on, and you are basically the invisible bastard deciding what happens to her. The game throws you right into it, no slow intro, just Zelda sleeping with that messy blonde hair and big tits almost falling out, and three guys already around her like hyenas. It feels like a nasty extra scene ripped out from Breath of the Wild, but more like if a horny modder went completely crazy after drinking too much. You’re poking, pulling, stripping pieces of clothing off, checking how the panties slide down her thighs, how the bra gets pushed under those tits. The sleep thing is weirdly hot and also kind of fucked up, she never wakes up, she just moans and reacts with her body. It’s like the game is saying “yeah, we know this is wrong, and you’re still clicking” and honestly, I kept clicking.

What I liked a lot is how everything is hidden behind clicks that are not explained. There is no big UI, you just tap around like some perv searching for secrets. You touch her boobs, they bounce, her nipples harden, a guy moves in closer. You rub her pussy, the panties slowly get shifted, then suddenly you’re looking at her shaved slit and already deciding if you go straight for anal first or not. That choice is funny because I kept changing my mind, going “ok pussy first, no wait, that ass is too nice, shit, go back.” There is this moment when you finally line her ass up and push in, and her sleeping face does this tiny reaction, like a half-frown, half-pleasure look, and it got me more than the full-on bukkake later. Speaking of that, the cumshots are everywhere, on her face, boobs, belly, and the game lets you overdo it until she looks like someone spilled a whole bottle of glue on her. I got annoyed that sometimes the cum doesn’t land exactly where I expected, I kept trying to cover one nipple perfectly and it always missed by like two pixels, and I still don’t know why that pissed me off so much.

Then there’s the futa thing, which is half hidden like some naughty Easter egg. You click near the bottle, suddenly Zelda has a cock, and it somehow fits her too well. Watching her sleep while her own dick is hard is a strange mix of cute and totally degenerate. I spent too long just teasing it, making it twitch while the guys still use her holes, because it felt like solving a small dirty puzzle: “how many things can be happening on this girl at the same time without the scene breaking.” When she finally shoots her load, it mixes with the other cum already on her body, and the whole screen looks like a porn painter lost control. It’s not a complicated game, it’s literally just clicking and dragging and trying different spots, but the way it’s built makes you feel like you found some forbidden Zelda cartridge under your bed when you were a teen, only this time you actually get to see her fucked unconscious and drained from both ends. I kind of hate how much I liked it.

Hancock on that bridge looks exactly like the kind of bad decision you make when your phone is at 4% and Pornhub just froze. It’s rough, it’s clearly made by someone who loved her way too much and learned Flash from some rusty tutorial on Newgrounds, and somehow that fits her stupidly arrogant personality. You open the thing expecting a simple loop and it actually gives you a tiny bit of control, which caught me off guard. Not a ton, don’t get excited, but enough to feel like you’re bullying the “Empress” instead of just watching another loop from Rule34video on mute while Discord pings in the background.

The setup is ridiculous in a good way. There’s this narrow stone bridge, sea in the back, like some budget version of Amazon Lily or maybe Marineford if the dev squinted hard. Boa is already naked, no build up, no dialogue about Luffy, nothing. She just drops straight into anal like she was waiting for it the whole damn series. Huge boobs bouncing in that fake-physics kind of way, nipples a bit too bright, like someone played with saturation in Photoshop and then forgot to dial it back. She’s riding on top, ass swallowing this oversized cock that looks like something out of those old Flash games from H-games.org. The best part is how the animation almost glitches when you go too fast. It stutters a little, her hair jitters, and her butt kind of clips for one frame. I’m complaining, but actually that scuffed feeling makes it hotter than half the super polished stuff on Nutaku, because it feels like you’re not meant to be here.

Clicking to change speed is the only thing you really do, and yet I found myself sitting there for way too long just trying to find the “sweet spot” where her ass looks tight but not like it’s about to explode into pixels. Slow speed makes her look like she’s worshipping the cock, taking it deep, breathing through it. Medium speed turns her into this needy queen who pretends she’s in control but her eyes say “fuck me harder.” Max speed breaks everything. Her boobs go everywhere, her ass stretches around the shaft and you see that little bump each time it hits deep, and her face flips between bored and fucked-out so quickly it’s almost funny. There’s no sound at first if you mute the tab, so I turned it back on and the audio is that cheap hentai moan pack you’ve probably heard a thousand times on random XVideos compilations. Still did the job. I kept thinking, “She should be calling out Luffy here,” but also, I didn’t miss him. This feels like her secret scene with some nameless pirate she’d never admit to.

What actually stuck with me, weirdly, is how tight they made her asshole look. Someone stared at reference material way too long. When she sinks all the way down, there’s this tiny pause where the ring stretches just a bit more and then clenches, and that one frame sells the whole animation. I kept replaying that part, trying different speeds, ignoring the fact that the background is just this static bridge with water that doesn’t move at all. That stupid bridge annoyed me, by the way. Too clean, no cracks, no vibe, just “here is bridge, now fuck.” I kept waiting for something else to happen, like a new position, maybe some titjob or her turning around, but nope. It’s just her on top, taking it in the ass, like the dev spent all their energy on one single fantasy and then tapped out. Honestly, it’s lazy. It’s also exactly the kind of thing I end up replaying after I close my browser and open it again “just to check something” and then suddenly Hancock is bouncing on that cock again, looking like she’s way too proud to admit how much she loves getting her ass stuffed like that.

This thing is pure horny cartoon chaos, in the best and worst way at same time. You open it, and boom, Jessica is already there like she owns your screen, tits basically defying gravity, dress painted on her body so tight you can almost hear the zipper crying. She gives you that lazy, “I know you’re gonna be a slut for me” look, and yeah, she’s right. The whole vibe is like someone mashed up old-school ToonTown with a Pornhub search for “redhead with ridiculous boobs” and then said, “yeah, let’s make her fuck a rabbit, why not.” There is no romance here, baby, it’s just cartoon meat show. One second she’s posing like a pin-up queen, the next you’re dragging that shiny dress off piece by piece, and it feels kinda wrong but also very, very correct. I loved how the game lets you linger on her body as long as you want, but also I hated it, because I kept clicking the same spot by accident on my phone and it kept skipping ahead. Still clicked again though. Obviously.

Once she’s naked, the whole tone shifts from “ha-ha fun parody” to “oh damn, this is actual hardcore porn but with a rabbit.” Roger looks like he has no idea how he got this lucky, like he tripped and fell straight into OnlyFans. The first actual action moment that made me laugh out loud: Jessica dropping down in front of him, grabbing those bunny hips, and just stuffing that long white cartoon cock straight into her throat like she’s clocking in for work. No build up, no romance, just *schlurp*. The deepthroat animation goes wild, her throat bulging, mascara vibes, spit all over, and she keeps eye contact with you, not him, which is such a little dirty detail. She’s not swallowing for Roger, she’s swallowing for the viewer, full pornstar energy. The cumshot is rude in a fun way, too, like the game is winking at you: you think it’s gonna be a little drip, then suddenly her whole face is glazed like a Krispy Kreme. I was half cheering, half thinking, okay girl, you need a towel and a tetanus shot.

And then the riding starts and things get a little unhinged. She climbs on that rabbit and the camera practically worships her ass, big and bouncy like it’s got its own physics engine, even though this whole thing is super simple. She switches from grinding on his cock nice and slow to just pounding herself down like she’s trying to break the poor animal in half. Pussy, ass, everything on the menu, no shy angles, you get full views of penetration that look dirty and goofy at the same time, because hello, that is still a rabbit. There’s this one moment where you can see his dumb happy face in the corner while she’s bouncing away like a rodeo queen, and I actually had to pause, open Twitter, and type “I am watching a rabbit wreck Jessica Rabbit’s holes and I’m okay with this.” I wasn’t, but that’s between me and my browser history. The game is short, trashy, and kinda janky in spots, but honestly that just makes it feel more like some cursed Newgrounds relic you’d find hidden in an old folder labeled “homework.” It’s wrong. It’s hot. It’s stupid. I replayed the facial twice.

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