This thing feels like somebody grabbed a Sonic comic, spilled horny all over it, then tried to pretend it was a serious visual novel for like five seconds before giving up and going full hentai brain. You start out thinking “ok, it’s just Sonic talking, some banter, whatever” and then two choices later, boom, you’re arguing with yourself if it’s morally ok to want to rail your childhood mascot. The game knows exactly what you came for and still pretends it’s about “story” just long enough to make the horny parts hit harder. Sonic pops up all cocky like usual, but here his flirting is not subtle at all. It’s literally “hey, wanna go fast?” but now your brain hears it in the dirtiest way possible because of what the next scene does to you. Tails comes in and the whole thing suddenly feels more like a messy fanfic thread someone wrote at 3% sanity and 97% thirst. I clicked a dialogue choice that looked harmless, like just “ask Tails about the mission,” and two screens later his tail is doing things that will absolutely ruin the character for you forever. In a good way. Or bad. Depends how attached you are to your childhood.

The horny pacing is weird as hell, in a fun way. Sometimes it teases you for ten screens of goofy banter and “haha we’re just friends” while the camera keeps hanging a bit too low on certain body parts, then suddenly you’re in a full-on blowjob scene with barely one text box of transition. Other times, you pick the obviously pervy choice and the game is like “nah, not yet, suffer,” and sends you into some parody drama moment where Sonic acts all heroic but the dialogue is written like the writer was checking Pornhub tabs between lines. That’s kinda the charm though. It never feels clean or professional, it feels like horny fanfiction that accidentally grew choices and a UI. There was one scene in particular that stuck in my head way too long: Sonic pinning you against something that’s clearly supposed to be just a random rock, but the way the text describes where his hands go and how you grind against his hips, it reads like Tumblr roleplay logs from 2014, and I mean that as a compliment. Another route has Tails trying to act like a shy genius, but he’s talking about “testing a device” while touching you in ways that are very not scientific. The dialogue keeps bouncing between parody jokes about the old games and completely straight-up porn talk, like “haha remember the chaos emeralds” followed two lines later by “open your legs wider.” It should be stupid. It is stupid. I still clicked every single option to see all the stupid.

What I liked is how the choices sometimes pretend to matter. You pick “tease Sonic back” expecting just a slightly different line, and you instead unlock a more dominant version of him later, where he tells you to shut up while he fucks you. In another run I chose to be more submissive early on, and that turned Tails into this quietly possessive little shit who wants to “take measurements” of every part of your body with his hands. Some branches end quick with just one big sex scene and a few jokes, others drag you through this whole “we’re on an adventure” set up before finally letting anyone get naked. And the parody stuff is everywhere. You get references to rings, chaos, running fast, all of that, twisted into dirty metaphors. At one point Sonic literally compares your moans to the sound of picking up rings and I wanted to close the tab and also replay it. The tone is all over the place, but that makes it feel more human and horny, like that moment when you’re jacking off and suddenly remember a meme, laugh, then keep going anyway. It is messy, a bit cringe, very explicit, and absolutely not pretending to be anything else, no matter how much it flirts with “plot” along the way.

It starts weirdly wholesome. April’s there, all journalistic fire and that red hair that looks like it got caught in a sunrise, and you think, “Oh, okay, this’ll be another dumb parody with bad jokes and lazy fanservice.” But no. It’s filthier, funnier, and somehow more self-aware than it has any right to be. The way it leans into the absurdity of mutant turtle lust while keeping April’s snark intact - it shouldn’t work, but it does. And yeah, the humor’s juvenile as hell, but it hits the sweet spot between ridiculous and hot, like someone actually thought, “What if we didn’t pretend this wasn’t insane?” The dialogue feels like it was written by someone who’s been both too online and too horny for too long, and honestly? Respect.

There’s this one scene in the sewers - don’t worry, not the gross kind of sewer scene - where April’s trying to hold an interview, and the camera keeps drifting lower, and you can almost hear her thinking, *why am I still doing this job?* That moment alone sums up the game’s tone: half erotic comedy, half existential crisis. The pacing’s all over the place, but in a good way. You’ll be laughing, then suddenly the game drops a line so filthy you choke on your drink. The animations aren’t perfect (one of the turtles’ eyes does this twitchy thing that freaked me out), but there’s something charming in how unpolished it feels. Like an inside joke between degenerates who grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons and never quite recovered.

By the way, the menu music slaps - real funky bassline - and then it loops too short, and you start noticing it, and you can’t un-hear it. Drives me nuts. Still, it fits somehow. Everything about it feels like someone dared the devs to go too far and they said, “Bet.” It’s parody that forgot to wink. It’s raunchy, shameless, and somehow kind of sweet. I hate that I liked it as much as I did.

Orihime XXX Simulator feels like someone pulled The Lovers card, then tossed it on the floor and started licking it. It is simple, straight to the point, and absolutely obsessed with one thing: putting Orihime in front of you and letting you mess with her body like you pull symbols from a spread. You are not saving the world here, you are not solving some deep plot. You just have this soft, busty, slightly shy anime girl who already carries that sun energy from the original show, and the whole thing is like a ritual where you strip her down, dress her up again, change small details, then watch how the vibe shifts from innocent to filthy in one click.

The customization is a bit like reading the same Tarot card reversed and upright. Same picture, different message. A tiny change in expression from sweet to needy, and suddenly the whole scene turns from “crush from school” to “fucktoy who knows exactly what she’s doing.” I kept catching myself thinking: “Ah, this one is The Star, all hopeful,” and then I give her a more open mouth, eyes a bit half closed, and nope, now it’s straight Devil, full lust, no pretending. You swap accessories, change some clothes, panties on, panties off, some red detail here, hair sitting different there, and the entire sexual temperature of the scene rises or drops. It is ridiculous how one small button completely shifts the fantasy. And that damn little delay when an outfit changes, it is tiny, but it annoyed me more than any boss fight in some AAA game and I still kept clicking like a horny idiot.

There is no deep gameplay loop here, and I actually liked that, even though I also didn’t. You just poke around: undress, adjust her look, set that face that says “please fuck me again” and then just stare at the screen like it’s a private altar. It feels dirty, like you somehow hacked into her room and she is posing just for you, but at the same time it is playful, almost too soft, like someone put a thick Temperance card right in the middle of a hardcore reading. I wanted even more filth, more poses, more crazy options, but also the focused obsession on just one girl makes it stronger, like a single card that keeps repeating in every spread until you get the message: she is here to be taken, dressed, redressed, and used as the center of your little Bleach-flavored fantasy. If you’re the kind of person who once paused an episode just to stare at her chest longer, this thing is basically that pause button turned into a horny toy that actually answers back with new clothes, new looks, new sins lined up in front of you.

Infinity Crisis Island feels like somebody ripped pages from Marvel and DC comics, spilled lube on them, then said “ok, what if all this was a horny HR problem.” You’re basically the guy (or whatever) in charge of keeping a whole island of overpowered freaks, green muscle goddesses and tight-suited thieves from tearing the place apart… unless you want them to. It’s half superhero office sim, half porn parody, and it never pretends to be serious for even one second. One moment you’re checking some fake “threat level” meter, next moment you’re in a meeting room trying to convince a towering She-Hulk style muscle babe that punching villains is fine, but punching holes in the beds again is blowing the budget. She’s standing there in a bikini that looks like it’s begging for mercy, abs and veins popping, giving you that look like she knows exactly how easily she could fold you over the desk, and the text gives you the choice between “discipline her” and “encourage her unique talents.” You already know both options end with you under her, just in different positions.

The writing leans into the parody hard. There’s a sneaky cat burglar in a catsuit that is legally not Catwoman but yeah, it’s Catwoman. She slinks around the island, keeps “losing” her mask in your office, and there’s one scene where she’s tied to an interrogation chair, pretending to be all tough, and you can switch from “good cop” to “pervert cop” in like two clicks. Dialogue swings from comic-book quips to straight up filthy roleplay. She taunts you with “that all you got, manager?” while you scroll through options that sound like they were written by someone who reads way too much hentai on their commute. There are dumb little choices like whether you sign her “reform contract” with a normal pen or with some ridiculous magic energy device that of course fries her suit and leaves her half naked, pressed tight to the screen. The game knows exactly what it’s doing and just keeps winking at you, but not in that smug Marvel movie way, more like a horny doujin artist who also happens to know how spreadsheets work.

What I really noticed is how the whole “manager” thing quietly controls the pacing of the sex scenes. You get these report screens, fake incident logs, and suddenly it throws a “disciplinary session scheduled” popup at you like it’s Google Calendar except the meeting room is a reinforced dungeon and the “team building exercise” is you testing how long a super-strong green giantess can keep you pinned while you try to reason with her. The scenes are long, really dialog heavy, with just enough game logic sprinkled in to make you feel like your choices do something, even if mostly they just change who is on top and how broken their costume gets. Sometimes there’s this tiny little stat change and you catch yourself actually hovering the mouse, thinking “ok do I want her more obedient or more feral for the next scene?” Then you realize you’ve been staring at the same frame of her flexing thighs for like five minutes. There is one notification sound that pops up every time you trigger a new “crisis” and it drove me insane, some cheap little blip that feels like a phone game ad, but I still didn’t mute it. Also the humor is hit and miss: one moment you get a brilliant line about superhero union rules, next moment it tosses in a meme from like 2016 and you just cringe and click past it. But then the next crisis pops, a “containment breach” that is basically code for “someone horny in the showers again,” and you forget you were annoyed, because the game hits you with another ridiculous scenario like mediating a contract dispute where the only negotiation tool you have left is your tongue.