Huh. An Evangelion hentai game where you just... bounce a ball. Not exactly the traumatized pilot simulator I expected. Asuka’s there, red hair blazing in the background art you unlock, and I’m just staring at this little sphere like it owes me money.

The whole thing runs on accuracy, which is a polite way of saying the hitbox feels drunk sometimes. You’d think keeping a ball airborne would be simple but the physics have this weird floaty drag, then suddenly it rockets sideways because your mouse was a pixel off. You rack up kick-ups to peel away censored layers on the Eva girls. The first few reveals are whatever, standard pinup poses, but then you get Asuka in her plugsuit with that look, you know the one, half annoyed half daring you to keep going. The art’s rough around the edges, deliberately messy linework that somehow makes it hotter than those overpolished 3D renders everyone uses. There’s a force field charge you can trigger to freeze the ball midair, buying you a second to breathe or, let’s be real, to gawk at the unlocked smut without losing your streak. And 3D glasses? A toggle that makes the whole screen go cross-eyed if you’re not careful, like a budget red-blue effect that I’m pretty sure does nothing except give me a headache. A feature I wish did something else entirely but won’t.

Completely forgot the arcade tag exists until I died at 47 kick-ups and the game over screen blasted some chiptune fanfare. It’s trying to be funny, I think. A parody of those old Flash browser games where you’d grind for a single jpeg of a nipple. Here the nipple is very much present, eventually, if your wrist doesn’t give out. The ball physics keep betraying me in ways that feel personal. One run I’m a god, next run the ball clips through the paddle and I’m staring at Asuka’s disappointed face, which is honestly on brand for her character. Evangelion fans will get it. Everyone else will just see a redhead and a bouncing ball and wonder why the penguin isn’t in this.

Dare to play it alone, or invite company?