Rei Ayanami but not the one you remember. This version got hit with some serious breast expansion, like someone pumped her full of helium and forgot to stop. The whole shy pilot thing is gone, replaced by this weirdly eager sex doll who just wants to get railed in every position the game can manage. Doggystyle, girl on top, blowjobs that look more like she's trying to unhinge her jaw. The animation is janky as hell, frames skipping around like a flipbook drawn by someone who's never seen a human body move.

The bikini stays on most of the time which is a choice. Not a good one. You'd think with all the emphasis on her massive tits they'd let them breathe but no, the swimsuit just stretches in this uncanny way that makes the whole thing feel like a bootleg figure come to life. There's this one anal scene where the physics just give up entirely and her body clips through itself. I laughed. Not sure that was the intended reaction.

Flying tree frog. That's a tag. I have no idea what it means and I played through every scene twice looking for amphibians. Nothing. Maybe it's some inside joke from the f-series games or maybe I'm just not weeb enough to get it. The cumshot effects are whatever, standard hentai splashes that land in the same three patterns regardless of angle. Rei's pussy is rendered with this weird glossy texture that makes it look like a wet gummy candy. Actually that's kind of hot in a gross way. The whole thing runs in browser so you don't have to commit to keeping it on your hard drive which is probably for the best. I kept clicking through dialogue that was clearly machine translated, lines like "give sex to Rei" that sound like a caveman wrote them. Still fapped though.

Shinji stuck on a broken piece of planet, naked except for some sad leftover clothes, gambling his dignity away with Asuka while Rei watches with that deadpan face and threatens both of them with more humiliation if they stall too much. That’s basically the energy here. It’s blackjack, yeah, but it feels more like a really horny arguments compilation than a card game half the time. You hit, you stay, you pray you don’t bust, because every fucked up hand is one more bit of clothing gone and one more excuse for Asuka to scream at Shinji about what a useless perv he is. And also she’s right, but she’s also slowly stripping, so who’s actually winning here? Quiet part out loud: the best moments are when she’s raging, cheeks red, tits out, still pretending this is all about pride and not about the fact that she’s been trapped alone with him for years and obviously horny as hell.

I liked how the blackjack itself isn’t trying to be clever. Cards pop, you slam “hit” like an idiot, you go over 21, Asuka calls you a dumbass and loses her skirt anyway because Rei is tweaking the rules just to watch them squirm. You get that weird mix of Evangelion angst and dumb sex-comedy, like someone took the original show, cut out all the robots, and said “ok, now they just play horny casino on a rock in space.” Incorrectly, I kept expecting Gendo to walk in or some Angel to show up, but nope, it’s just this awkward threesome energy where Rei’s the referee with god powers and zero patience. There are small things that kept bugging me, like how one particular voice line repeats a bit too much right when you’re trying to focus on the next hand, but then you’re suddenly staring at Asuka’s bare ass and forgot what you wanted to complain about in the first place. Also I still don’t understand why Shinji sometimes looks like he might cry even when he wins a hand, though honestly, feels in character. The humor swings from cringe to actually funny without any warning. One second it’s a cheap boob joke, next second Rei just casually calls out their entire trauma in one line. It’s messy, horny, kinda trashy, and somehow that fits these three way better than it should.

Rei in a bikini. Not the Rei from the show, obviously, but that's the fantasy they're selling and honestly? The model's face is just slightly off enough to trigger that uncanny valley feeling, like someone described Rei Ayanami over a bad phone connection and an AI tried its best. Her eyes are too big. Or maybe too small. I can't decide. The bikini physics are nonexistent but the way the top sits makes me think the dev spent exactly 47 minutes on that specific texture and then gave up on everything else.

The whole thing runs on this click-the-arrows system where you cycle through positions like you're flipping through a cursed PowerPoint presentation. Left arrow, right arrow, left again because you missed the one you wanted. There's no animation to speak of, just static poses that change with all the grace of a slideshow crash. But here's the thing, the cumshot mechanic actually has more detail than it deserves. Like someone's weird passion project where they only cared about one specific outcome. The way it lands is almost artistic if you squint and ignore the rest of the game's rough edges.

The POV angle works better than it should for something this janky. You're just... there. Staring at Rei's blank expression while cycling through positions that all feel vaguely similar but different enough to keep clicking. It's like a fidget spinner for degenerates. No sound, no feedback beyond the position changes, just you and this slightly wrong Rei and the growing realization that you've been at this for twenty minutes. The bikini stays on in some poses, comes off in others, and there's no logic to which is which. I respect that chaos. Don't expect a game. Expect a very specific mood piece made by someone who definitely has a Rei folder on their hard drive organized by season and episode.

The card flip sound is the same one from a thousand flash games but the pictures, oh man. Misato pressed against a window, tits squished flat like she's trying to escape through the glass. That's the first one I got and honestly it's downhill from there in terms of plot but who cares. The whole thing is just match the pairs, don't screw up too many times or the game gets mad at you. Three mistakes and it's back to the start which is annoying when you're on the last pair and your hand twitches because you're, uh, distracted.

Asuka's there too. The window fog effect is a nice touch, like someone's breathing on the other side. Rei looks completely checked out as usual which is somehow hotter than if she was into it. The art isn't polished, lines are rough, some proportions are... ambitious. Left tit bigger than right tit situation. But that jank gives it this bootleg charm, like finding a doujin in a folder labeled "homework" from 2004. The memory part is basic, 4x4 grid, nothing fancy. I kept clicking the same wrong card because I wasn't paying attention to the card backs and honestly the punishment loop of restarting just meant I got to see the first few images again so is it really punishment.

The Evangelion connection is just the character designs, there's no angels or mechs or anything. Just boobs on glass. The window thing is the whole gimmick. Pressed, smushed, flattened. Someone on the dev team had a very specific thing and I respect the commitment even if by the third round you've seen every variation of "character plus glass equals horny" the human mind can generate. The timer ticks down and I forgot about it completely until the fail screen popped up. That happened twice.

The weirdest thing is how it starts like one of those rich-kid fantasy sims, but then the morning you wake up, naked in that absurdly big room with sunlight cutting through the curtains all fake-soft, it already feels off. The phone on the nightstand vibrates with a message from someone who calls you “baby” like you’ve been together for years, and it doesn’t even let you breathe before throwing you into a pile of half-remembered scenes - like that one in the car with Miku humming some twisted remix of her own song while you’re trying not to stare at her mouth. I swear, the pacing feels broken in a way that makes sense only after the third time you play it. That’s when you realize the “dream life” part isn’t just a setup - it’s the whole trap.

There’s this classroom segment that hits differently. Everyone acts like they know you, but the camera lingers too long when Hinata leans over her desk, or when Toga chews her pen cap like she’s daring you to lose it. The game pretends to be a mystery, but it’s just a long tease for whatever power fantasy you think you’ve earned. I tried to skip some dialogue once, and it froze right on a frame where Mitsuri’s hand was halfway down your pants - like the game itself was judging me for impatience. Maybe that’s part of the kink? The click mechanics are sloppy, but the voyeur cam moments make up for it. When you’re watching Asuka arguing in the hallway while you catch your reflection licking your lips - yeah, it’s got that voyeuristic guilt thing nailed down.

Still, something about the way everyone bends reality around you keeps me hooked. It’s not even the sex scenes (which sometimes go from “holy shit” to “wait, is that even physically possible?” in seconds). It’s that feeling that somebody else is watching you play, whispering the lines before they happen. I had one run where Android 21 called me by my real name. No idea if it was a bug or a feature, but it messed me up good. And yet, I booted it again right after. Guess that says enough.

The whole thing feels like a bootleg VHS you'd find at a convention, the kind where the cover art is traced but somehow hotter than the official stuff. Misato here has these massive tits that defy the original character design in the best way, like someone just kept dragging the slider right and said yeah, that's her now. The animation loops are janky as hell, her back arches in this one position that makes her spine look like a question mark, but honestly? That's part of the charm. You're not here for sakuga quality.

You get this single pov shot, cock already out, and she's just... presenting. The anal option is right there from the jump, no buildup, no dialogue tree where you pretend to care about her trauma or whatever. Just click and she takes it. The physics on her chest are ridiculous, bouncing with this weird delay like they're filled with pudding. I spent way too long just watching that rhythm before even doing anything else. The creampie toggle at the end is binary, inside or outside, and the outside one lands on her face with this splatter pattern that looks more like someone dropped a yogurt cup. The inside one has this slow drip effect afterwards that's actually kind of detailed, which is weird considering the rest of the game looks like it was rendered on a calculator.

There's no sound except this one wet slapping noise that loops regardless of what's happening, so you'll be in the menu and it's still going. Drove me nuts until I just muted the tab and put on some city pop instead. The whole thing is maybe three minutes long if you're taking your time, but I've reloaded it like five times now because something about that vacant expression they gave her just works. It's not good. It's exactly what it needs to be.

Asuka’s face is stuck in this weird half smirk like she knows something you don’t, and honestly she probably does because the ball physics in this thing are a practical joke dressed up as a game. The little red sphere doesn’t bounce, it ricochets with the chaotic energy of a cat that saw a cucumber. One tap and it’s flying toward the corner of the screen where your paddle definitely isn’t. The whole thing is a kick up simulator wrapped in Evangelion wallpaper paste, and the backgrounds unlock so slowly you start wondering if the game is just edging you on purpose.

The 3D glasses toggle is the funniest part. You click it expecting some kind of depth effect but no, it just tints everything red and blue like you’re at a 1998 mall arcade that smells like carpet glue. The force field charge mechanic is there, I guess, to freeze the ball when you’ve had enough of its bullshit, but the meter fills like a bathtub with a pinhole leak. I spent more time watching that little bar creep upward than actually looking at the hentai art, which by the way is surprisingly accurate to the source material. Asuka’s hair is the right shade of orange, the plugsuit details are there, someone on this dev team actually gave a damn about the reference sheets. That’s what gets me. The art is competent. The game wrapped around it is a fever dream.

There’s a running gag in my head now where every time the ball clips through the paddle I hear the congratulations scene audio. You know the one. It never plays in the actual game, no sound at all except some generic bleeps, but my brain fills in the gaps. That’s what this thing does. It leaves holes and your nostalgia patches them up. The arcade mode label is generous. It’s more like a browser tab you keep open while doing taxes, occasionally tapping the spacebar to keep the ball alive and maybe, just maybe, getting a new image of best girl looking flustered. The unlock progression is a mystery box with no hints. You just kick the ball, it dies, you check the gallery, sometimes there’s something new, sometimes there isn’t. It’s gacha without the currency.

Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Rei Ayanami in a santa hat, tits out, getting railed by a translucent purple dildo. That's the whole pitch. No mecha, no angel fights, just the quiet pilot with the blue bob staring at you while her uniform slowly disappears. The game doesn't pretend to be anything else.

Loading it up feels like finding a dusty folder on an old hard drive. The interface is clunky in that specific way where buttons don't quite line up and you gotta click twice sometimes. You pick an outfit. Soubrette, bikini, the santa thing. Then you click to remove pieces. One by one. There's no rhythm game, no dialogue tree, no currency to grind. Just clicking and watching fabric vanish. Her breasts get bigger when you take the bra off. I mean noticeably bigger. Like someone slid a breast expansion slider to 70% and called it a day. The animation is stiff, maybe four frames per action, but there's something weirdly hypnotic about the repetition.

The dildo appears eventually. It's always the same one, that semi transparent purple job with the suction cup base nobody ever uses. You position it. Click. Rei's expression barely changes. That's the part that sticks with me actually. In the show she's this emotionally blank canvas, and here she's got the same thousand yard stare while getting fucked. Is it hot? I don't know. It's certainly something. The wetness effect on her pussy is overdone, like someone discovered a gloss layer and went absolutely ham.

I wish there was a way to make her blink. She never blinks. Just stares at you with those red eyes while the dildo does its looped thrusting animation. The sound design is what you'd expect, wet slaps and quiet moans that sound like they were recorded in a bathroom. No music. Just the sounds. And that stare. For a game about undressing and fucking Rei Ayanami, it's surprisingly lonely. The breast expansion thing keeps throwing me off too. One minute she's canonically proportioned, next minute she's sporting honkers that would require a different Eva plug suit entirely. Nobody asked for that but here we are. Flying Tree Frog made choices and I respect the audacity even when I don't understand the vision.