The waitress uniform is the first thing that gets me. Not in a sexy way, just... it's so aggressively beige. Like someone picked the color specifically to drain all joy from the room. Linda wears it while she's fucking up this guy's order, and honestly, I spent more time staring at that uniform than I did at her tits during the first scene. The game opens in this cramped little restaurant kitchen, and there's a customer, some generic dude with the personality of wet cardboard, and he's pissed about his soup or whatever. The dialogue is this weird mix of broken English and porn logic. "You ruin my lunch, now you must pay with body." Something like that. I laughed. I don't think I was supposed to.

The oral scene starts behind the counter. Linda's on her knees, still in that godawful uniform, and the animation loops are... well, they exist. Her head bobs with all the enthusiasm of someone checking their phone while waiting for the bus. But here's the thing, the sound design is actually decent? There's this wet, sloppy noise that caught me off guard. Made me think of that one scene in Nekopara where the audio mixing was way too good for what was happening on screen. Anyway, the cumshot lands on her face and hair, and the texture work is surprisingly detailed. You can see individual strands getting matted down. I don't know why I fixated on that. Probably because the rest of the scene is so mechanical.

Then the threesome happens. Another waitress shows up, a blonde this time, and suddenly we're doing anal in the storage room. No buildup, no reason. Just "oh, my coworker is here, let's do butt stuff." The creampie animation at the end has this weird physics glitch where the fluid doesn't quite line up with the model. It hovers for a second before snapping into place. I've seen this exact bug in three other browser games from the same developer, and they never fix it. Why do I keep playing these? The kitchen tile pattern changes between scenes too. First it's checkered, then it's solid gray. Did they fire the texture artist mid-project? I need to know.

The cafe minigame is broken. Not in a crash to desktop way, but the coffee cup just sort of hovers near Mellisa’s mouth and then the blonde’s massive tits clip through the table. I spent way too long trying to get the pickup dialogue right, picking options that sounded like something a real person might say on a first date from an adult site. Tom, the guy you play, met her online and now he’s in this car, engine off, trying not to screw up. The whole thing has this grimy, unpolished texture that somehow makes the eventual blowjob in the vehicle feel more earned. Less like a porn clip, more like a memory you shouldn’t have.

The art is where things get weird in a way I can’t stop thinking about. Mellisa’s design is pure, absurd exaggeration. Her tits are so big they practically have their own gravitational pull, and the cumshot animation later on is less a splatter and more a declaration of intent. But her face, during the cafe bit, holds this blank expression that reads as either profound boredom or eldritch patience. Like she’s an ancient entity humoring a mortal’s clumsy ritual. I wish the minigame had more failure states that led to her just walking away. That won’t happen. The whole thing is a straight line to the car, to her mouth, to the finish.

Reminds me of that other dating sim, the one with the succubus who runs a bakery. That game had polish and a coherent color palette. This one has a raw, almost outsider-art quality. The first date setup is so mundane, a cafe, a car, a bad pickup line, that it loops back around to feeling cosmic. A shoggoth wearing a push up bra. The big boobs aren’t just a tag, they’re a central character, and the game knows you’re here for them. It doesn’t pretend otherwise. The lack of pretense is its only real strength. I just wish the coffee cup didn’t float.

ugh, why is the dialogue in these things always so... clinical. like, "hello friend we have invited you for sexual experiment now let us begin the sex." the whole setup is two pixels who apparently got bored and texted a third to come over. no buildup, no tension, just straight to a threesome scene where everyone talks like a malfunctioning ai chatbot.

the characters are a redhead and a brunette, standard combo, giving you what's essentially an extended oral session. the blowjob mechanics are a clicking rhythm game that feels about as sensual as trying to tap out a captcha on a broken phone screen. you're just grinding through a loop of the same few frames, waiting for the cumshot meter to fill up. the audio design, if you can call it that, is a wet slapping loop that cuts off abruptly and restarts every time the animation cycles. it's jarring in a way that kept pulling me out of the moment, like a scratched vinyl record of two wet pieces of ham clapping.

the whole thing runs on that janky browser engine where the pep feels slightly off, like everyone's floating just a millimeter above the floor. there's a distinct lack of weight to the movement that makes a threesome feel less like a messy, passionate tangle and more like watching two barbie dolls bobble towards a third mannequin. the redhead's model is supposed to be the "eager" one based on her animation speed, but her eyes have that dead, thousand-yard stare you see in old dating sims. honestly it's giving me flashbacks to playing those cursed newgrounds dress-up games where a single stray click would cause a horrifying limb to detach. i got so distracted by the brunette's hair clipping through her shoulder during the switch animation that i failed the final interaction on purpose just to see if there was a game over screen. there isn't. it just... loops. endlessly.

I saw the uniform and my brain just went yep, here we go again. Scout girl selling cookies. That old setup. But this one, she doesn't just ring the doorbell, she's already inside, leaning over the counter like she owns the place. The big sister character. The way the camera sits low and you're just looking up at all of it. That damn green skirt barely covering anything, and she's giving out samples alright.

The titfuck animation has this awkward pause in the middle where everything freezes for a half second. Drives me crazy. Not in a good way, like a hiccup in the loop. But then she shifts her weight and those things just swallow the view entirely and I forget about technical polish. The pov perspective stays locked when you switch to anal, which is a choice I respect. Too many games break the angle and suddenly you're looking at a ceiling or something. Here you're right there, pressed up against the uniform still half on, that stupid little scarf thing tickling your chin. Metaphorically. I don't have a chin in the game. You know what I mean.

The cumshot lands exactly where you'd expect but the expression doesn't change. That's the part that sticks with me. She's got this bored look through all of it, like she's still thinking about cookie quotas while you're doing whatever. I wish they'd added at least a smirk or something. Won't happen though. These devs never go back and tweak the faces. The brunette hair falls over one eye during the reverse cowgirl bit and for a second it's almost romantic. Then the cookie pun flashes on screen and the moment's gone. What was I saying? Right. The neighborhood setting is basically a hallway with a door texture. Who cares. The uniform stays on most of the time which is the whole point anyway.

Anna's got this look, right? Like she's already bored of you before you've even clicked anything. The whole setup is a POV house scene, and the "real model" tag isn't lying, she's got that specific Eastern

The animation loop is basically a single pov shot, Samus on her knees, those huge tits wrapped around a cock that’s supposed to be yours. It’s not a game game, more like a fidget toy for your dick. You pick an outfit, the zero suit or the classic blue, or just go fully nude, and then you control the cumshot. That’s it. That’s the whole thing. The customization for the money shot is weirdly granular, you can drag a slider to make the ropes comically long, like physics defying anime goo, and pick where it lands. I spent an embarrassing amount of time just seeing if I could paint her entire visor white. You can.

The model for Samus is... fine. It’s unpolished in that specific Source Filmmaker way, where the skin looks a bit like shiny plastic and the hair doesn’t move right. Her expression is locked in this permanent, vacant stare that doesn’t change, which is a little off putting if you look at it too long. But the animation of the boobjob itself is smooth, a steady rhythmic motion that loops cleanly. The sound is just a wet, repetitive squelch. No voice acting, no moans, just that sound on a loop. It gets hypnotic after a minute, or maybe that’s just the blood leaving your brain.

I wish there was a button to change the pace, or maybe a different angle. Just one. Staring at the exact same frame for the whole session feels like a missed opportunity, especially for a character who’s all about scanning visors and morph balls. Where’s the creativity? You’re telling me a Chozo powered suit and the best we can do is a static camera? But I guess that’s not the point. The point is the slider that lets you absolutely drench her. It’s a one handed experience, perfect for a quick alt tab session when you’re supposed to be doing something else. Just don’t expect a deep exploration of the Metroid lore.

You know what I miss? Games that don't pretend to be something they're not. This deer girl thing, it's basically a slideshow with a furry redhead and a pov that puts you right there. She's got these eyes, right? The kind that make you forget you're clicking through static images. I kept thinking about that old Disney style but, well, not for kids. Not even close.

The whole thing is just her asking for it. Literally. A white-tailed deer girl who wants to suck your cock and won't stop looking at you until you give in. There's no puzzles, no branching paths, no fake choices that lead to the same ending anyway. Just a big cock, a titjob that feels surprisingly intimate for something so straightforward, and a facial that lands exactly where you'd expect. The cumshot isn't some over-the-top fountain either, it's messy in a way that feels deliberate. Like the creator actually thought about what looks hot instead of what looks impressive.

I wish the fur texture had more detail. Sometimes it blends into the skin tone in a way that bugs me, especially during the blowjob scene where you're staring right at her face. But then she tilts her head and gives you that look again and I forget what I was complaining about. The clicking to advance feels almost too simple, like maybe there should be a rhythm to it or something. But there isn't. You just click. And watch. And click again. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Ok so you know that feeling when you open a game and the art style hits you like a truck, but not in a good way? Like someone traced over a flash animation from 2006 and then just... gave up on the faces halfway through. That's the vibe here. Princess Amalia, the blonde one from Wakfu, is just lying in bed like a lump, and her servant Evangelyne decides the best alarm clock is some hardcore cunnilingus. Fair enough, I've had worse mornings.

The tongue work starts off decent, got that wet sound and everything, but then Amalia loses control of her nature powers or whatever and summons these big green tentacles. And I mean, they just appear. No buildup, no sexy shimmer, just *bloop* there they are. One second it's a soft yuri wake-up call, the next it's a double penetration gangbang with plant monsters. The pacing is like a microwave dinner, frozen in the middle and lava on the edges. Evangelyne gets tossed around, her blonde ponytail clipping through her own shoulder the whole time, which I complained about to my cat and he didn't care either.

The cumshot at the end is ridiculous. Like a fire hydrant of goo that covers both girls completely. A facial so massive it looks like they lost a fight with a ghost. The pussy and anal action is explicit, no fade to black, which I respect. But the animation loops are so stiff. Amalia's masturbation scene before the tentacles is just the same three frames of her hand moving. I've seen more fluid motion in a flipbook drawn on a sticky note pad. Still, if you're here for lesbian cartoon debauchery with zero pretense, it delivers the sticky mess it promises. Just don't expect the characters to look like they do in the actual show. Evangelyne's face during the anal part is... a choice. A haunted choice.

Right, so the Charizard sprite is just standing there with this dopey grin and a cock that looks like someone stretched a hot dog in MS Paint. That's the whole mood. Eva Hadley's model is this weirdly smooth thing, like a doll left too close to a radiator, and her expression never changes. Not once. Even when the big orange lizard is rearranging her insides, she's got the same blank stare you'd give a microwave at 3 PM. It's so aggressively unpolished that it loops back around to being fascinating, like watching a bootleg toy commercial where all the plastic is melting.

The whole thing runs on these big, chunky action buttons. Click "Fuck Pussy", click "Fuck Ass", click "Cum on Back". That's it. That's the entire depth of the gameplay. No build up, no dialogue, just a Charizard with a permanent erection and a woman who seems to be mentally compiling a grocery list. The sound design is what gets me, though. There's this one wet slapping noise that's clearly just a raw audio file of someone hitting a ham with a wooden spoon, and it plays on a loop regardless of which hole is currently in use. I spent an embarrassing amount of time just clicking back and forth to see if the sound would ever sync up. It doesn't. It never will.

The cumshot finale is the real masterpiece of anti-climax. You click the button and a few flat, white polygons appear on her back, looking less like a money shot and more like someone dropped a dollop of mashed potato on the texture file. And then it just... sits there. The Charizard keeps grinning. Eva keeps staring into the void. There's no victory fanfare, no fade to black. Just the eternal, looping ham-slap and the quiet question of what you're doing with your life. It's a parody of a parody, a Pokemon hentai scene stripped of any pretense of being sexy, and I can't stop thinking about that stupid, unblinking lizard face.