You know what's funny? I spent like three hours last night just watching the numbers go up on my spreadsheet. Not even the sex parts, just the management screen. My father in this game, some corpo bigshot, drops a fat stack of eddies in my lap and basically says "don't fuck it up" and what do I do? Immediately start a brothel. Classic.

The girls have these stats you train up, obedience and technique and some other things I already forgot. There's this one girl, got her from some back alley deal, terrible attitude but her pain tolerance was already at 60%. The clients in this cyberpunk hellhole are... specific. Some chrome-plated freak wants a girl who can recite poetry while being shocked? There's a fetish for that apparently. The game doesn't judge, it just provides the checkbox and you tick it and the money comes in. I wish the dialogue trees had more branches though, sometimes it feels like you're just clicking through the same three responses until the bar fills up. But then again, isn't that just customer service?

The whole thing runs in browser which means I can tab over to my actual work spreadsheets when the boss walks by. Same energy honestly. Numbers go up, dopamine hits, rinse repeat. The cyberpunk setting is mostly window dressing, neon signs and rain effects that my laptop fan hates, but it sets the mood. You're not saving the world here, you're just another scumbag exploiting the system. The sex slave training part is exactly what it sounds like, no romantic subplot to soften it, just raw transaction after transaction. Sometimes I forget I'm supposed to be roleplaying and just optimize the brothel layout for maximum throughput. What does that say about me? Don't answer that.

Fucking the president. Not metaphorically. Literally. And his wife. And whoever else wanders into the oval office while you're pulling strings from a penthouse that costs more than most countries' GDP. The game doesn't even pretend to have a moral compass, it just hands you a leash attached to the most powerful man in the free world and says "go on then, ruin him."

The character creator is barebones as hell. You pick a face, a dick size, and then suddenly you're in a cutscene where a senator is on her knees in a back alley because you promised her committee chairmanship. The dialogue reads like it was translated through three different languages and then back through google translate, but honestly? That broken english makes the degradation hit different. "You will be my toy now" lands harder than any polished script ever could. The animations are janky, models clip through furniture constantly, and during one scene the president's daughter's hair just... floated away. Straight up ascended to heaven mid-blowjob. I couldn't stop laughing. Then I kept playing for another two hours.

There's this whole favor system where you trade political influence for sexual access, but the game never explains what the favors actually do mechanically. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out if the EPA administrator giving me a handjob would affect environmental policy or if it was just... there. Still don't know. The incest tag shows up in ways that feel almost accidental, like the developer forgot they coded it in and you just stumble into it. One minute you're blackmailing a congressman, the next his sister is involved and nobody acknowledges how weird it got. The real porn integration is jarring, sudden cuts to actual footage that don't match the 3D models at all. Lara Croft shows up for some reason. So does Lady Dimitrescu. Nobody questions this. The game certainly doesn't.

Okay so I'm at my desk pretending to look at spreadsheets and I fired up Sexverse on my phone like an idiot. The name is dumb as hell but whatever, I was curious. It's basically a mashup of every game you've ever played where you thought damn I wish I could see them fuck. And yeah, it delivers that.

The first thing I clicked was the Baldur's Gate 3 section because obviously. Shadowheart's there with that stupid little smirk and Lae'zel is being all aggressive and it just works. You pick a scene and suddenly they're going at it, proper cunnilingus, french kissing that actually looks wet, the whole thing. The 3DCG is rough though. Like, really rough. Aloy from Horizon looks like she's made of plastic and her face during the anal scene just... doesn't move right. It's uncanny. But then I found the Game of Thrones bit and spent way too long with Margaery Tyrell doing things that would make Olenna have a heart attack. There's NTR tags on some scenes which I normally skip but curiosity got me and now I feel weird about Sansa Stark. Don't ask.

The weirdest part is the random shit thrown in. Left 4 Dead's Zoey is there. The Ring girl? Yeah, Sadako or Samara or whatever, she's in it doing a blowjob and I laughed so hard my boss looked over. Metro 2033 characters nobody remembers. It's like someone's mod folder exploded. The voyeur scenes with Lady Dimitrescu watching you through a doorway are actually hot though, the scale difference makes it properly filthy. Handjobs from Clementine felt wrong but I still clicked it. I'm part of the problem. The foot fetish stuff with Lizzy Wizzy from Cyberpunk was a nice surprise, her chrome body reflecting light during it. Anyway my break's over and I need to clear my history before IT flags me again. The game's a mess but it's my kind of mess.