The whole thing is like 4 clicks deep before you even see a tit, which is frankly criminal for something tagged with "fuck town" and "big tits". Nick Hudson, fitness club director, what a joke. He's got the personality of a wet gym sock and his office looks like it was furnished by someone who just discovered the color beige. Then Elise the journalist walks in. Brunette. The pickup tag is doing some heavy lifting here because there's no game, no chase, she just sort of... arrives. Already halfway to writing a very different kind of article, if you catch my drift.

And her tits. Look. They're massive. Gravity defying orbs that seem to exist in their own separate physics engine. I spent an uncomfortable amount of time just staring at the way they clip through her blazer when she does that one idle animation. It's the only animation that has any real life to it, honestly. The rest of the game is this stilted, click to advance dialogue that feels like a bad porno script translated through three different languages. "Oh Nick, I want to write about your... equipment." Give me a break. But then, and I hate that I'm saying this, the cumshot scene has this one frame. Just one. Where the artist clearly spent all their fucks to give. The rest of the art is flat, unpolished, deliberately messy like the tags say, but that single frame has shading and a sense of weight that makes the whole five minute click fest almost worth it. Almost. The sound design is non-existent. Just dead silence while you watch these mannequins rub against each other. It's like spying on a very boring, very horny department store mannequin display.

I deleted my browser history after. Not because I was ashamed, but because I didn't want my browser to think this is the kind of quality I'm into. The game just ends. No resolution to the newspaper article plot, which I weirdly wanted to see. Did she get the story? What's the fitness club's secret? Who cares, I guess. The cumshot happens and it's just over. Back to the main menu. Cold as ice.