The whole thing runs in my browser, which is convenient I guess, but it looks like it was coded during a lunch break in 2006. Jessie Jazz is there, blonde and ready, with this weird fixed grin that doesn't change whether she's winning or losing. The cards snap into place with a sound effect I can only describe as a mouse getting stepped on. You play jacks or better, standard stuff, and every time you win a hand she takes something off. First the shoes, which, okay, not exactly what I was hoping for.

I got stuck for like ten minutes on one hand because I couldn't remember if a flush beats a full house. Had to alt-tab to Google and everything. Meanwhile Jessie just stands there, blinking occasionally, her pixelated tits defying gravity in a way that makes me think the developer never actually saw real ones. The strip poker mechanic is straightforward enough, beat her and she loses clothes, lose and nothing happens except your dignity takes a hit. She starts in this tight dress and by the end she's completely naked, doing this awkward shuffle animation that's supposed to be sexy but reminds me more of someone trying to get out of a wet swimsuit.

The thing that got me was her face. That expression never changes. Even when she's down to nothing, same vacant smile like she's thinking about what to have for dinner. It's almost creepy. Almost. But then you win another hand and her bra comes off and suddenly I'm not thinking about her facial expressions anymore. The game knows what it is. It's not pretending to be some deep narrative experience. It's Jessie Jazz, she's hot in that early-2000s porn way, and she's going to lose at poker because the AI is about as sharp as a spoon. I don't know why I kept playing after the first win. Maybe I wanted to see if the animation would ever change. It doesn't. But I finished anyway.