I fired this up thinking, ok, classic cup shuffle, maybe some tits, whatever. It’s called Crossing Cups or something, the title screen is a mess of fonts that look like they got drunk and crashed into each other. Right away you’re at this felt table with a dealer who has that dead eyed “I’ve seen things” look. The coin goes under one cup, they slide them around. Basic stuff. My brain was already half checked out, scrolling my phone with the other hand.

Then I lost the first round on purpose, just to see what happens, and the screen flashes this crusty jpeg of Lois Griffin. Not like, a good drawing. It’s a low res screengrab from the show where her expression is all wrong for the context, and the “undress” mechanic is literally just a worse quality cutout pasted over her clothes. Peter shows up later too, in the MMF bits, and it’s like the dev discovered the lasso tool five minutes before uploading this. The parody tag is doing some heavy lifting, it’s less parody and more a hostage situation for these characters. I couldn’t stop laughing at how Peter’s gut just… clips through itself. The whole thing feels like a cursed Newgrounds submission from 2005 that somehow gained sentience.

Actually, the coin shuffle itself, the hitbox for picking the cup is totally scuffed. I clicked dead center and it registered a miss, said my attention skills were garbage. Felt personal. But then a few rounds later I wasn’t even looking at the screen, just clicked randomly, and won like seven times in a row. The “stunning gambling game” is a lie, it’s pure chaos. The dealer’s face doesn’t change whether you win or lose, just that same thousand yard stare. Kind of respect it. Reminds me of that time I tried to mod Stardew Valley into something it absolutely shouldn’t be and broke my save file. This is basically that, but for Family Guy. Don’t even get me started on the audio, there’s one loop of what sounds like a casino ambience recorded in a bathroom. The whole thing is a beautiful trainwreck where the secret pictures aren’t even worth the effort, but the sheer jank of the crossing cups game itself is hypnotic. Wong.

The whole thing feels like someone filmed a scene and forgot to edit out the parts where the actors are just... there. You know that moment in a porn clip where the camera keeps rolling and nobody's really doing anything? That's the energy here. Salma, the stripper from before, wakes up tied to a bed. Hands and legs. The ropes look like they'd slip off if she sneezed too hard but whatever, suspension of disbelief and all that.

Two guys show up. Not with any real menace or buildup, just... appear. The MMF setup could work if the game bothered with any tension. Instead it's mechanical. Touch here, click there. The rough sex tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting because what you actually get is stilted poking at her body while she makes faces that don't quite match what's happening. The strap gets used at some point. I think. The torture elements are about as threatening as a lukewarm bath. There's this X cross at the end where she gets tied up and that's supposed to be the climax but it lands like a wet firework. The BDSM feels like someone read a wiki article about it once and decided yes, ropes equal kink, job done.

The art style. Look, I'm not gonna pretend everything needs to be polished to a mirror shine but there's unpolished and then there's "I can see where they stopped trying." Her expression barely changes between the "torture" and the parts where she's just lying there. One of the guys clips through the bed frame at one point. Classic.

What gets me is the wasted potential. A waking up bound scenario with two strangers could be genuinely intense. Build some dread. Make the player feel complicit or uncomfortable. Instead it's just a sequence of interactions that feel like filling out a form. Touch breast. Touch other breast. Insert. Repeat. The game ends and you're left wondering if the X cross was supposed to mean something or if they just ran out of ideas. Probably both.

The saxophone riff is actually not bad. Caught myself tapping my foot while some pixel dude with a comically oversized cock was getting serviced by two jazz club patrons. That's the whole setup really, a dimly lit club, some smooth music, and three people who really don't care about personal space anymore.

What gets me is the positioning system. Or lack of one. You click around and sometimes the characters snap into something hot, other times the guy's dick is clipping through a thigh like a Bethesda glitch. The MMF dynamic here is straightforward, no pretense about story or buildup. One minute you're watching a couple share a drink, next thing the wife is on her knees and some stranger in a fedora is lining up behind her. The transitions are jarring in a way that almost becomes funny. Almost.

The hard sex tag isn't lying though. Once it gets going, the animations loop with this desperate energy. There's this one angle where the woman looks directly at the screen while getting railed from both ends and I swear her expression doesn't change once. Dead eyes. But the sounds, whoever recorded those moans was either genuinely enjoying themselves or deserves an award for commitment. The squelching effects are way too loud, like someone stirring mac and cheese aggressively. I kept adjusting my volume thinking my neighbors might hear through the wall. The big cock physics are absurd, like a third character in the scene, flopping around with its own sense of gravity. Wish there was a way to control the pace beyond just clicking different positions. Sometimes you want things to build, you know? Instead it's zero to sixty in one frame. The jazz keeps playing though. That saxophone just doesn't quit.