I clicked through the tutorial, something about a mothership and feeding girls, and honestly I still don't know what the real goal is. The game says follow the tutorial to see your real goal but the tutorial is just a wall of text that I skimmed while trying to find the button that lets you get laid. That's the whole pitch, right? Train them, feed them, fuck them. Simple. Except nothing is simple because the UI is a disaster zone of floating panels and tiny icons that look like they were drawn in MS Paint during a hostage situation.

The battle system. You attack enemies when you're ready, it says. I sent my team out against some space pirates or whatever and watched numbers tick down. There's a planning phase where you pick who goes, but the choice feels meaningless because I don't know what any of the stats do. One girl has higher "technique" and another has better "synergy" and I'm just clicking things hoping someone loses their clothes. They didn't. The enemies exploded into credits and I got a popup about new areas discovered. Great. More menus to ignore.

Top 3 Moments You'll Want to Screenshot. One: the first time a training session actually triggered a lewd scene, and the girl's expression was this blank stare that made me laugh so hard I forgot to be horny. Two: the platforming section. Yes, this spaceship management sim has platforming for some reason, and your character moves like they're wading through molasses. Three: when I realized the "feed" mechanic is just dragging food icons onto portraits and watching a hunger bar fill up. Peak gameplay. The lewd scenes themselves are fine, I guess, if you like that particular brand of stiff animation where limbs rotate at impossible angles. I've seen worse. I've also seen much better. The whole thing feels like someone threw seventeen ideas at a wall and kept whatever stuck, polish be damned.