Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

Anahel looks like that shy girl in class who never raised her hand, and here she is, walking around a cursed fantasy world where literally everything wants to fuck her or use her to open some magic doom portal. It starts all heroic and stuff, like “you’re chosen, save the world, ancient prophecy” and you think ok, basic RPG, I click some slimes, I loot some chest. Then suddenly the slime is not just slime, it has way too many wet tentacles, and they all know exactly where to go. The game doesn’t even pretend to be subtle. One moment you’re poking around ruins, next moment Anahel is pinned, squirming, and her stupid little innocent face is doing that full ahegao thing while a monster girl is licking her everywhere like it’s completely normal Tuesday. And it kind of becomes normal, really fast.

I liked how it tricks you with that point and click exploration, like a normal adventure/sandbox thing. You tap on a well, you just expect water, maybe some coins. Instead there’s this creepy voice from inside, offers you “help” if Anahel strips. Of course I clicked yes. Then it escalates, a glowing tentacle slides up her thighs and she’s biting her lip, trying to resist, then gives in, rubbing herself with it like she was waiting all day for that. You’re not just watching, you’re choosing where to touch, which hole gets used, if she lets the monster finish inside or outside. It’s messed up. It’s hot. Sometimes both at same time. The world feels like a horny playground made by someone who played too much RPG Maker and then deleted all armor from the inventory. There’s “noble” knights that threaten her with blackmail, telling her to suck them off in a back alley or they’ll sell her out to the cult. You can actually accept, and the game shows her on her knees, drool and cum on her chin, eyes rolled up, and she still tries to talk like a hero while gagging on the guy. I kinda lost the main quest in my head after that.

Maybe my favorite stupid detail is how her staff looks totally useless at first. Just a stick with some stone. Later, you find this pervy spirit in a shrine who offers to “awaken” it and it literally turns into a magic sex toy weapon. It vibrates when danger is near, and also when she gets too aroused, and sometimes in battle the game will just have her masturbating with it as a “skill” while monsters gangbang her. I laughed because I was on the bus playing on my phone and suddenly she’s in the middle of a forest, on her back, two tentacles inside her, one in her mouth, some catgirl riding her face, and I’m just casually lowering brightness like it’s Instagram. The pacing is weird as hell, like eating spicy food with random sugar thrown on top. One area feels like slow teasing, just some harassment, panties pulled aside, soft lesbian groping, and then next screen they’re using every hole at once, toys, tongues, everything. Sometimes I wish Anahel talked a bit less during sex, because she moans and begs and calls the monsters disgusting while clearly loving it, but it kind of fits that she’s both the last hope of the world and also the world’s favorite cum dump at the same time. Anyway, the prophecy probably said something like that. I already forgot.

Elf MC, horny ancient ruins, and a world that looks suspiciously like someone mashed Google Maps with hentai brainrot. That’s kinda the vibe here. You’re this pretty boy elf guy wandering around a fantasy land that clearly wants you to get distracted by tits more than by history. One second you’re poking around some old kingdom mystery, clicking weird stone symbols, trying to solve what looks like a bootleg mobile puzzle from the Play Store, and the next second some monster girl is in your face asking for “help” that very clearly means “put it in me.” And yeah, the game doesn’t pretend to be shy about it. You talk, you point & click, you figure out what shiny thing goes into what hole, then usually something else goes into someone else’s hole. Clean loop.

The animations are actually decent for a first chapter, you get that 3D feel when the elf is buried between thighs or when he’s getting his cock stroked with slow handjob motions that don’t look like someone shaking a broom handle. Oral scenes go from gentle teasing to full deep throat pretty fast, which is nice, though the sound is sometimes weirdly quiet and then suddenly wet as fuck. Vaginal stuff has a nice rhythm when he’s pounding, especially when you finally push to creampie and you see everything pulse inside. They really like finishing inside. Like, really. Pulling out is apparently against elf culture or something. The romance angle is hit or miss; sometimes the dialogue tries to be sweet and it works, other times it feels like a pornhub comment thread translated through Google. But that kinda adds to the charm for me. It’s messy. The girls are a mix of “I will help you on your noble journey” and “take your pants off, traveler,” and the monster girl design is good enough I actually forgot about the treasure room behind her at one point. I still don’t forgive the game for making me replay the same little puzzle 3 times just because I misclicked once. That shit annoyed me and then I immediately forgot because there was an elf getting his cock sucked by a girl with fangs.

The point & click exploration has a nice “I’m lost but also kinda turned on” mood. Sometimes you’ll click something expecting lore and you get a blowjob offer instead. Other times you’re sure it’s sex time and it’s like “solve this pattern first, idiot.” The game loves teasing progress, edging you with small scenes before the bigger payoffs. There’s a part where you help a girl in danger, think it’s gonna be a quick thank you and goodbye, and then it just turns into this slow, almost romantic fuck with kissing, soft moans, and then a rough finish where she begs for you to cum inside her. I liked that. I also hated that the inventory icon is tiny as hell and my dumb eyes kept missing it. Never fixed that, just kept squinting like an old man. Whatever. If you wanna enjoy it, don’t rush. Click around, poke every corner, talk to characters twice, sometimes a normal line suddenly turns into flirting, and flirting turns into a hand under the belt. Let the elf be a little slutty scholar. Solve a puzzle, earn a blowjob. Fail a puzzle, reload and go again. That’s pretty much the religion of this game.

This thing starts like one of those horny daydreams you get on the bus, except here it actually picks up the phone and says “yeah, we’re doing this.” You’re the guy, obviously, sitting at home, kind of stuck in that boring routine where Pornhub tabs know you better than your friends, and suddenly these older women from your past just show up. Not all at once, not in some Avengers style nonsense, more like “oh, hey, remember me, I raised you and also my tits are huge now, let’s talk.” The game doesn’t even pretend to be subtle. Every woman walks in like her boobs entered the room first and her ass had to squeeze through the door second. The nice part is that you poke around the house and whatever other places, point and click, open drawers, snoop, grab some weird item that makes no sense at the time, and then ten minutes later you realize “oh fuck, that’s exactly what I needed to convince this hot milf to bend over the kitchen counter.”

What I liked is how the teasing actually feels like teasing, not just “click button, instant blowjob, thank you for playing.” You flirt, you push your luck a bit, you peek through doors when you probably shouldn’t, like some horny raccoon that learned how to use a mouse. I had this one moment where I was just casually exploring, checked a room I thought would be empty, and caught one of the women on her knees, sucking a toy like she was practicing. I legit paused and stared at the screen like an idiot. There’s that slow build where she pretends she doesn’t know you’re watching, then slightly turns her head so you see more tongue, more spit, and suddenly the game feels way more personal. The animations sell it better than I expected, her tits bouncing, mouth stretching around the shaft, saliva sliding down her chin. It’s not Hollywood quality, but it hits that dirty amateur vibe that somehow turns you on faster because it looks like something you shouldn’t be seeing. At the same time, some scenes are so over the top you feel like your dick is in a circus, especially when she’s smothering you with a boobjob and the camera is just full of soft, shiny skin and you’re like “ok, where is my character’s face, is he still alive.”

The whole “secret organisation” thing kind of sneaks up on you. You’re there for tits and ass, obviously, and suddenly there’s this weird thread where some people are watching, manipulating, like there’s a horny Illuminati making sure you end up balls deep in the right milf at the right time. I actually got distracted trying to figure out what the hell they are doing, then forgot about it again as soon as one of the women showed up in something tight and low cut. The story keeps dangling this bigger mystery in front of you, but half the time I ignored it because I just wanted to push the next scene where she lets you slide into her ass after she’s been teasing you about it for ages. The first anal scene I unlocked felt like unlocking an achievement in Steam, except instead of a little pop-up you get a mature woman grinding back on you, moaning in that rough, breathy way, ass rippling slightly with every thrust. I wish the sound in that part was less “looped porn audio from fifteen years ago,” but I kept going anyway, so apparently I didn’t wish that hard.

There’s something oddly sweet and messed up at the same time about how these women treat you. Half the time they’re scolding you like you did something wrong, the other half they’re on their knees, lips wrapped around your cock, stroking you with their tits like you’re the last man on earth. One minute you’re running around clicking every shiny object like a confused squirrel, trying to find the right thing to unlock the next scene, and the next you’re sitting there watching this big ass milf ride you in slow, heavy movements, her huge tits bouncing in a rhythm that makes your brain forget about the dumb puzzle you solved to get there. It’s clumsy, horny, a bit ridiculous, and somehow exactly the kind of trash that makes you close all your other tabs and just stay there, letting these big, older women ruin you in every room of the house while some shady group watches from the background like they’re grading your performance. I still haven’t figured out what that organisation actually wants from me, but honestly, if their evil plan is just “make him cum to more milfs,” they’re winning.