Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

Elf MC, horny ancient ruins, and a world that looks suspiciously like someone mashed Google Maps with hentai brainrot. That’s kinda the vibe here. You’re this pretty boy elf guy wandering around a fantasy land that clearly wants you to get distracted by tits more than by history. One second you’re poking around some old kingdom mystery, clicking weird stone symbols, trying to solve what looks like a bootleg mobile puzzle from the Play Store, and the next second some monster girl is in your face asking for “help” that very clearly means “put it in me.” And yeah, the game doesn’t pretend to be shy about it. You talk, you point & click, you figure out what shiny thing goes into what hole, then usually something else goes into someone else’s hole. Clean loop.

The animations are actually decent for a first chapter, you get that 3D feel when the elf is buried between thighs or when he’s getting his cock stroked with slow handjob motions that don’t look like someone shaking a broom handle. Oral scenes go from gentle teasing to full deep throat pretty fast, which is nice, though the sound is sometimes weirdly quiet and then suddenly wet as fuck. Vaginal stuff has a nice rhythm when he’s pounding, especially when you finally push to creampie and you see everything pulse inside. They really like finishing inside. Like, really. Pulling out is apparently against elf culture or something. The romance angle is hit or miss; sometimes the dialogue tries to be sweet and it works, other times it feels like a pornhub comment thread translated through Google. But that kinda adds to the charm for me. It’s messy. The girls are a mix of “I will help you on your noble journey” and “take your pants off, traveler,” and the monster girl design is good enough I actually forgot about the treasure room behind her at one point. I still don’t forgive the game for making me replay the same little puzzle 3 times just because I misclicked once. That shit annoyed me and then I immediately forgot because there was an elf getting his cock sucked by a girl with fangs.

The point & click exploration has a nice “I’m lost but also kinda turned on” mood. Sometimes you’ll click something expecting lore and you get a blowjob offer instead. Other times you’re sure it’s sex time and it’s like “solve this pattern first, idiot.” The game loves teasing progress, edging you with small scenes before the bigger payoffs. There’s a part where you help a girl in danger, think it’s gonna be a quick thank you and goodbye, and then it just turns into this slow, almost romantic fuck with kissing, soft moans, and then a rough finish where she begs for you to cum inside her. I liked that. I also hated that the inventory icon is tiny as hell and my dumb eyes kept missing it. Never fixed that, just kept squinting like an old man. Whatever. If you wanna enjoy it, don’t rush. Click around, poke every corner, talk to characters twice, sometimes a normal line suddenly turns into flirting, and flirting turns into a hand under the belt. Let the elf be a little slutty scholar. Solve a puzzle, earn a blowjob. Fail a puzzle, reload and go again. That’s pretty much the religion of this game.

You come back from this secret magic unit thinking you’ve seen some weird shit already, then Stormside Academy just looks at you and says “hold my beer”. On the surface it’s exactly what it pretends to be: big fancy international school, uniforms that pretend to be modest, teachers who talk about “standards” while their eyes go straight to the girls’ thighs. Underneath that, there’s this whole twisted system where every girl is basically one bad grade away from being bent over a desk, and everyone acts like it’s just part of the handbook. The thing that caught me is how normal it feels for the characters. They talk about oral exams and you have to pause a second because you know they mean both kinds. Nobody’s shocked for long. They’re nervous, turned on, scared, proud, all at once. It actually feels like a place with rules, not just “click here to fuck her”. Even when you’re literally timing a spanking so it lines up with her breathing, it fits the school logic in a fucked up way.

You end up taking the role of the Magistrate, which sounds super formal, then two minutes later you’re telling a shy honor student to strip in front of the class and describing it like “corrective public instruction”. The power fantasy is not subtle at all. You say it’s about whether you protect them or use them, but the game is happiest when you’re right in the middle, pretending you’re doing this for their benefit while your cock is in their mouth. Some scenes are surprisingly sweet. I didn’t expect to care when Riley shakes and tries to keep eye contact while you slide a toy inside her to “help with focus training”, but the voice in her head, the way she bites her lip, it sells it. Then two clicks later you’re making Cassie hold a humiliating pose in the hallway so everyone can see her tits bounce each time you slap her ass. It gets even nastier when you mix in those magic talents. One girl’s power flares up when she orgasms, so you’re literally edging her as school safety procedure. Another can see ghosts, so now there’s a voyeur audience even when you’re technically “alone” with her, and the game just treats that as normal.

And yeah, I’m the weirdo who spends half the time listening. The sound work is messy in a way that actually feels good. Not Hollywood-quality stuff, but the wet noises during a titfuck have that sticky little pause that you only get when someone actually pressed skin against skin instead of using a generic loop. Some moans clip slightly when the girls ahegao hard and it weirdly fits, like they’re too loud for the mic. You get clear differences too: quiet shaky breaths when a girl is forced to masturbate in a locked classroom stall vs that sharp hitch in her throat when you suddenly switch to rougher, more dominant play and make her say she’s your slave. Oral scenes have this soft slur around the words that made me grin, because yeah, that’s how it sounds when someone’s trying to talk with a dick halfway down. There is one annoying thing where a certain toy buzz repeats too perfectly and once you notice it, you can’t unhear it, but the rest of the layering hides it most of the time. Lesbian punishment “sessions” have lighter, quicker breath patterns and more giggles, which makes it feel different from when you’re on top of them. And when you’re watching through a crack in the door, the sound is slightly muffled, like someone finally understood voyeurism isn’t just a camera angle. Really, the whole place feels alive just from the mix of footsteps in the corridor, distant cries from another “correction”, and the soft, shameful little whimpers in your own office when a girl tries not to make a sound and completely fails.

Everyone tells you college will change your life. In this one it changes before you even unpack your damn suitcase. You’re this clueless freshman, half horny, half anxious, dragged into a house party hosted by Devin, the kind of guy who somehow knows everyone on campus by day two. The place is the usual student chaos: solo cups everywhere, some shitty playlist on loop, people grinding in the kitchen for no reason. And right in the middle of it, someone pulls out a bottle and suddenly the whole night turns into one long “how far will you go if everyone’s watching” test. Nothing hardcore at first, just little dares, stupid teasing, that slow, annoying build where you keep thinking “ok now someone is finally going to take something off” and then they chicken out. Or you accidentally click the “wuss” option because your finger slipped on the phone screen and now the whole room is laughing and you kind of deserve it.

The game feels like you’re poking around a messy Instagram story you can actually control. It’s point and click, yeah, but it’s more like reading horny chat logs that suddenly turn into choices you’re not ready for. You creep through rooms, find people alone on balconies, half-dressed in bathrooms, making out in dark corners, and you get that voyeur vibe going strong. Like that moment you walk in on two girls arguing over a dare and one of them is already topless, arms crossed over these huge tits that the artist clearly loved way too much, and you’re just standing there pretending you were totally looking for the fridge. The game lets you lean into that creeping, makes you peek around doors, hover your mouse where you shouldn’t, check a mirror to catch reflections of someone stripping in the other room. It’s a “no actual sex yet” kind of ride, but they push groping and grinding and clothes coming off so close to the edge that you’re basically begging the story to misbehave. There’s romance too, in that messy party way: you flirt with one girl, tease another, accidentally walk in on some interracial couple making out on the couch, and the game just shrugs like “you want to join or what.” And then suddenly it’s asking you to choose who you really want to impress, even though you kinda want them all, because harem brain hits fast when you’re a horny freshman with zero real-life experience and too many options.

What I like is how the text keeps clowning on you. You choose the “smooth” line and the narration throws shade like “wow, you really said that.” The humor is dumb, self-aware, a bit trashy, and the AI CG girls somehow look both cute and a little uncanny at the same time, which accidentally fits the whole awkward college vibe. Big asses in tight jeans, short skirts that are just waiting for some drunken exhibitionism dare, that one shy girl who turns into total chaos when someone suggests stripping for “equality,” and the way the game slowly corrupts your choices. At first you play nice, you’re empathetic, you worry if someone is uncomfortable. Later you’re clicking on options like “keep staring” and “touch her ‘by accident’” and pretending you’re still a good guy. You’re not. You’re the dude who learns the timing of the bottle spins to aim it at the girl you want to undress, the dude who checks the patio window just to catch someone grinding in the dark. It’s messy, horny, text heavy, more teasing than payoff, like one very long party that never quite ends in a bedroom, but you stay anyway because every new spin of the bottle might finally cross that line you want it to cross. Or maybe you just want to see who drops their clothes next. Same thing.