Vault Wanderer is one of those horny little parody projects that feels like it started as a shitpost between friends on Discord and somehow became an actual game. You play this guy who crawls out of a comfy underground vault into a wasteland that is less about radiation and more about who is fucking who, and with what. The whole thing mixes classic turn based RPG combat with stupid jokes and very explicit scenes that just kind of slam into you out of nowhere. One second you are clicking through some goofy dialogue about bottle caps, the next you are watching a futa raider get her dick sucked in a surprisingly long animated loop while your character pretends he is not into it. The game loves voyeurism like crazy. Almost every location has some “oops I walked in on them” moment, except it is never really an accident and everybody is cool with you standing in the corner jerking off. Or pretending to “research.” The writing knows exactly what it is doing: it makes fun of the wasteland clichés, then uses the same clichés to justify a harem route where every big tits, big ass, wrong-race-for-this-town waifu somehow ends up in your camp.

What surprised me most is how messy but confident the sandbox structure is. You are just dropped on the surface with this point and click map and told to explore, and the game absolutely does not care if you go straight to a lesbian futa bar and stall your “main quest” for two hours doing nothing except footjobs and blowjobs in different outfits. There is real RPG stuff happening in the background: stats, turn based fights, random encounters that sometimes end in actual combat and sometimes turn straight into oral sex scenes if you pick the horny dialogue option. I lost one fight because I was too distracted watching the enemy’s boobs bounce in the attack animation, which is a stupid reason to reload, but here we are. The art is simple 2D CG but the animations have just enough motion to make the scenes feel alive without turning into weird rubber people. Some of the interracial setups are actually hot, then the game drops a joke so bad it short circuits the mood and you kind of hate it for ten seconds, until the next harem scene where three girls are roleplaying “capturing” you and you forget you were mad. The mobile support is oddly good too; I tried it on my phone while half-slouching on the couch with Chrome open and it ran smoother than some serious games on Steam. Sometimes the text spacing gets fucked on smaller screens and nobody bothered to fix it, which annoyed me for like a full minute while I was trying to read a masturbation scene and the last line wrapped in a stupid way, and then I clicked next and forgot. That is basically the whole vibe here: horny, rough around edges, a little broken, but when the wasteland mommy with huge boobs kneels down for oral and the camera zooms in just right, your brain stops caring about polish completely.

This MLP cooking parody caught me off guard in ways I didn't expect. My partner and I stumbled across it during one of our late-night browsing sessions, and honestly? The premise sounds ridiculous until you're actually playing it. There's something weirdly charming about the whole setup - you're supposedly there to help with baking, but let's be real, nobody's downloading this for the culinary experience.

The kitchen setting works better than it should. Your pony companion is genuinely enthusiastic about cooking, which makes the transition to more... intimate activities feel surprisingly natural. When she bends over to check the oven, well, the game doesn't waste time being subtle about what comes next. The oral scenes are pretty well done for what's essentially a demo - there's actual effort put into the animations and the pacing doesn't feel rushed. Though I have to say, the cooking minigame portions feel completely pointless. Like, why am I mixing batter when we both know where this is heading? It's not terrible, just... unnecessary padding.

What bugs me most is how short everything is. Just when things get interesting, you hit the demo wall. The blowjob sequences have some nice variety and the pony's expressions are actually quite good, but then it just ends. My partner kept asking if there was more content we missed, but nope - that's literally it. The art style stays consistent with the MLP aesthetic while still being explicit enough to satisfy, which is honestly harder to pull off than you'd think. For a quick session it does the job, but don't expect anything groundbreaking. The kitchen theme could've been explored way more creatively, but instead it feels like set dressing for pretty standard oral content. Still, if you're into pony parodies, this hits the right notes even if it leaves you wanting more.

You start as this quiet security guy who is clearly paid way too little for how dirty his nights get. Camera feeds, dark corridors, bored scrolling on your phone, that constant low buzz of cheap lights above your head. The whole place feels like it wants to keep secrets, and everybody around you already has one. The mafia angle actually works here, not just as excuse for guns and tattoos, but as this weird family you get sucked into, with people who smile at you while planning how to break someone’s fingers in the next room. It’s the kind of world where “loyalty” means a lot until someone prettier walks in with a better offer or shorter skirt.

The boss’s daughter is where everything breaks open. She walks like she owns not only the club, but your dick too, long before she even touches you. At first she flirts in front of the cameras, knowing exactly which angles you see from the control room. Short skirt, no bra, leaning over desks when she clearly doesn’t need to. She treats the surveillance system like her own private stage. There is a scene where she’s talking to her father in the office, pretending to be this innocent girl, and the second he leaves, she sits on the desk facing the camera, spreads her legs a bit and just stares into the lens like she knows you are about to undo your belt. That slow burn voyeur stuff works better than all the usual instant porn clicks. You feel like a creep. A very happy creep. And then later she acts offended you watched. Of course she knew. Of course she likes it. It’s a mafia world, everyone likes a bit of control, even when they pretend they hate it.

What I didn’t expect is how the game makes “security work” into foreplay. Checking blind spots, timing patrols, figuring out which camera to switch off right before your “meeting” with her in the storage room. One time she drags you into this dim back corridor, hand pressed over your mouth, telling you to be quiet while she jerks you off against a wall, and at the same time you keep one eye on the tiny monitor behind her to make sure no one sees. There is this mixture of panic and arousal that feels very honest, like being hard at the worst possible moment. Then things get heavier. Her idea of fun slides from teasing to choking, collar play, you on your knees between her thighs while her father is literally in the next room talking business. She will suck you off under a desk and then five minutes later act like you are her new bodyguard, ordering you to keep other girls “safe”, when everyone knows you are just checking them out on camera and imagining who will end up on their knees next. There is anal in places where nobody should realistically try anal, facials on floors that never get cleaned, a closed door scene where you hear two women moaning and only see them through a dusty monitor, their legs tangled together while you stroke yourself, too nervous to walk in. Corruption creeps up slowly, one favor at a time, until you realize you are no longer the quiet guard, but the guy coordinating who goes where, who gets tied up, who gets shared. And if you are smart, you’ll take it slow, let the teasing scenes breathe, stay a little longer on each camera, watch how their faces change when they think nobody is looking, then walk in at the worst possible moment and ruin their fake innocence properly.

Magic in this game feels like horny office politics with spells instead of emails. You’re this “secret third guy” with real power in a fantasy world where magic is drying up and the rich Great Families are freaking out and trying to own whoever still has it. They want to control your dick and your destiny at the same time. Your old mentor drags you back into their mess, and suddenly you’re surrounded by people who either want to study your Affinity, fuck it, or both. A lot of “both”, honestly. One moment you’re sitting in some fancy manor library pretending to listen to theories about why magic is dying, next moment your lap is full of a horny noble girl with big tits asking if she can “help you focus your energy”. Translation: she’s grinding on you and begging you to take her virginity while still pretending this is research. And it kind of is, because the game keeps treating sex like science and therapy and family drama all smashed together. It shouldn’t work, but it does, and then suddenly there’s a monster girl with claws holding your wrists to the bed and purring that she wants to see how much “human seed” it takes to make a hybrid pregnancy work out. I actually laughed, then I kept clicking, then I completely forgot I was laughing when her tongue hit your balls.

What hit me more than I expected is how many of these characters are kinda broken on the inside while still being absolute sluts on the outside. Like one elf milf who talks like a strict professor, all proper and controlled, then the scene just pivots and she’s kneeling between your legs, glasses slightly crooked, drool on your shaft, whispering she needs to feel “proof you’re real” in her throat. The blowjob is great obviously, but the tiny animation of her fingers digging into your thighs and that tiny ahegao flicker when you finally creampie her mouth, that detail stayed with me way too long. There’s a teasing pacing to the game where sometimes it makes you wait and sometimes it just throws you into a full group scene out of nowhere. One moment you’re having a quiet talk about Affinity theory, the next these ladies are basically arguing over who gets to ride you first while you’re pushed onto some couch like an exhausted porn actor. And I hated how often the camera cut away from the actual penetration to focus on faces or hands, but then in the next scene the exact same choice felt perfect, so I don’t even know what my brain wants anymore. The humor is messy and kinda awkward, like when a serious council meeting keeps getting derailed because one of the monster girls is still sore from the spanking you gave her and can’t sit still. There’s lesbian stuff too, and it isn’t just a “for your gaze” thing, they actually forget about you mid-scene at one point and keep eating each other out while you’re just standing there, pants open, like some extra. Honestly that part felt weirdly real. The whole found-family angle hides under all the titfucks and groping and anal teasing and whatnot, so you go from laughing at a stupid sex toy joke to suddenly being hit with “hey, we’re your home now” right after you’ve painted someone’s womb with a thick creampie. It’s messy, horny, sentimental, and sometimes it talks too much about magic, but when the spanking starts and the moans sync with those little animated thrusts, you’ll forget what the Great Families were even arguing about in the first place.