Game throws you in like you just woke up after alt-tabbing from Pornhub and Skyrim at same time. One second nothing, next second you’re on the ground in some muddy dark fantasy forest, zero memory, dick still works, brain not so much. And there’s this woman leaning over you, huge tits basically the first lore element you see. She talks about war and kingdoms and whatever, but the camera is like “yeah yeah politics later, focus here”. Really feels like the game knows exactly why you opened it in your browser. I click around, try to act serious hero, and the first thing I do is accidentally open a POV scene where she’s half teasing, half pissed off that I don’t remember her. She’s like “maybe this will help you remember” and just slowly goes down on you while talking about strategy and troop positions. Honest to god I forgot half of what she said but I remember the tongue animation better than my own phone number.

The structure is funny. You’re supposed to be this chosen guy in the middle of some huge war, but half the time I’m wandering around, point and clicking like an idiot, poking barrels, starting fights I’m not ready for, then suddenly the game shifts and you’re in this quiet tent, completely POV, chick on her knees, spit glistening, doing oral like it’s part of a diplomatic mission. There’s turn based combat, yeah, but it feels almost rude to focus on stats when one of the love interests is practically sitting in your lap every time you try to open the map. At one point I thought I’d min-max a dungeon run, ended up triggering some event where she starts teasing you in the middle of camp, just brushing her tits over your face “by accident” when she leans in to explain the plan. I swear I missed three lines of dialogue because I was too busy staring and trying not to mash every button. And the violence in fights is weirdly graphic. One minute you’re watching an orc skull pop like a watermelon, next minute your companion is wiping blood off her cheek with her fingers, then slowly licking it while giving you this horny little side look. It’s like the game is constantly asking “you came here for story, right?” then laughing because it knows damn well why you stayed.