This thing feels like somebody smashed a horny flash game from the 2000s together with a rage platformer and then just said “yeah, that’s fine” without polishing anything. You’re dropped into this gloomy castle maze, no long intro, no walls of text, just you, some shitty floor patterns, and the quiet knowledge that every shadow is probably either a sex monster or yet another trap waiting to snap your ass in half. You move with arrow keys, simple, but the level layout keeps trolling you. You think “ok, straight line to the door, I’m not stupid”, then a invisible spike pops from the floor, or the wall suddenly opens and something slimy with way too many parts drags your character back into the dark for a full-on hentai-style workout. The game pretends it’s about escaping. It’s actually about getting ruined in new ways while pretending you didn’t secretly walk into that tentacle’s hitbox on purpose.

The best part is how the monsters all feel like different flavors of bad decisions. You walk into a narrow corridor, there’s a weird breathing sound, your brain goes “nah, I can make it”, then boom, some towering beast pins you against the stones and the screen turns into a whole porn scene that would get banned on half of the “safe” platforms. Some are huge, some are more sneaky, some come from the floor like gross vines that just wrap around your legs and drag you backwards while your character flails. It’s messy, wet, a bit cruel at times, and yes, there are scenes where the monster clearly doesn’t know what “gentle” means. Sometimes they don’t even give you that much build up, no foreplay, no romance, just “you touched the wrong tile, now you get railed”. The funniest thing is how you start learning the level layouts, not because you want to survive, but because you’re hunting for that one specific monster again like some pervert completionist: “yeah yeah, I know the way to the exit, but what if I let the big winged bastard catch me in that side room one more time”. One time I dodged everything perfectly by accident, reached the exit door without triggering a single scene, and I actually felt robbed. Imagine being mad that you escaped too clean.

The castle itself is full of those cheap tricks that would be annoying in any normal platformer, but here they’re strangely welcome. Fake floors, moving blades, pressure plates that summon something horny out of nowhere, tight jumps over pits where you already know if you fall, your character’s clothes are getting destroyed first and their dignity second. There is this tiny delay between getting caught and the scene starting, just a small heartbeat, and that moment becomes addictive. You watch your own failure in slow motion, like “ah shit, here we go again”, then the game slams you with another ridiculous position against a cold wall or on some weird altar in the dungeon. Sometimes the pacing is all over the place, like you trigger three scenes in a row and then spend a long stretch of time with nothing but careful slow walking, squinting at the floor like a paranoid rat. Also, the way some traps blend into the ground is actually kind of bullshit, but, yeah, you’re not really here for fair design. You’re here because this game turns “oops I fucked up” into softcore and hardcore at the same time, trapped between fear of the next spike and curiosity about which monster is going to fuck you stupid if you miss that jump by one pixel. And you will miss it. On purpose. Eventually.