Free City is trashy in the best way, like that one bar where the floor sticky, the cocktails weak, and somehow you still end up naked in the bathroom with someone you met ten minutes ago. You play this private eye who is supposed to care about some "suicide case," but baby, the man investigating is thirstier than the whole police department. Every time I tried to follow a clue I ended up following a pair of tits instead. And the game knows it. It throws curves at you all the time, big boobs everywhere, big asses trying to distract you while you pretend to be professional. You question a widow, she is crying, mascara running, and two clicks later she is on the couch with her legs open, asking you in that fake innocent voice if you can "comfort" her. Sure, girl, I bring the comfort and the condom. The whole visual novel flow is slow enough to tease, but not that boring otome slow where you need three hours just to see a hand touch. Here, one wrong answer and suddenly you have her on all fours, her ass up, and the screen full of thick cg that looks like it came straight out of someone’s secret folder named "do_not_open". Then you realize she has a husband. Or had. Or has a boyfriend too. Honestly I lost track, because everyone cheating on everyone and I was sitting there sipping my iced coffee like a messy therapist watching a live soap opera.

The best part is how the game keeps pretending it is a serious noir story while you are busy corrupting half the city. One moment you talk about crime, motives, evidence, being all "hard-boiled detective", the next you are balls-deep in some interracial group scene where you forgot why you came there in the first place. There is romance if you want it, that sugary "I care about you" vibe, but the romance quickly turns into "tie me up and spit in my mouth" if you push the right dialogue options. Some of those bdsm scenes come out of nowhere. You flirt a little, do the soft hand touch, then boom, she is naked, wrists bound to the headboard, big tits pressed together with rope, and you decide if you want to be gentle or absolutely ruin her. And sometimes the game just goes, "Oh, you like girls too?" and hands you a lesbian scene with a side of voyeurism, while you stand back like a sleazy director watching two women go from shy kisses to full tongue, fingers, and one of them riding the other’s face until the bedsheets look like a crime scene by themselves. The group sex bits are wild but messy in a fun way, people grabbing whatever body part in reach, someone taking it in the ass while moaning about how they should not be doing this, someone else with cum dripping on their big boobs, and the story still trying to tell you, "hey, remember, murder mystery?" No, babe, I remember her legs shaking when I picked the "harder" option. The only thing that annoyed me was one tiny sound effect during a climax that sounded like someone stirring mac and cheese in a plastic bowl, threw me right out for a second, and now I cannot stop thinking about it. But anyway, every time I thought I would play just a bit and close the tab, suddenly I am six choices deep into another affair, lying to one character while fucking another in an alley, my detective morally bankrupt and my browser history screaming help.