The redhead. Let's just get that out of the way. She's got this sprite that's trying way too hard, all pouty lips and a top that's practically a suggestion. The art in this fantasy RPG thing is rough, like someone's first attempt at digital painting rough, but there's a weird charm to it. Like finding a dirty magazine from 2003 under a park bench. You know it's garbage but you still look.

The whole premise is you're on some generic adventure, goblins and maybe a dragon or whatever, but the real quest is getting your dick wet. That's it. That's the game. It's a topdown pixel crawl where you talk to people and occasionally a badly drawn titty pops up. The dialogue is... listen, I've seen better writing on a bathroom stall. It's stilted and awkward, like a non-native speaker learned all their flirting from a medical textbook. "I want to make the sex with you now." It's so bad it circles back to being hilarious. I was cackling.

There's this one scene with a barmaid. You do a fetch quest for some herbs, standard stuff, and then she just... offers herself. No buildup. The animation, if you can call it that, is like two mannequins being rubbed together. But I kept clicking. I don't know why. The sound design is non-existent, just some royalty-free midi loop that drills into your skull. I wish the map was smaller because you walk so goddamn slow. I spent ten minutes just getting to the blacksmith.

I think the game forgets it's supposed to be an RPG halfway through. The stats don't seem to matter. You just click on the next person and hope they have a horny exclamation mark over their head. The redhead's name is something stupid like Lyra or Lira, I already forgot. Her dialogue is the worst, all breathy moans typed out phonetically. It's a trainwreck. I couldn't stop playing. The whole thing feels like it was coded in a weekend by someone who just discovered what a pussy is. It's not good. I'm going to go finish it now.