Shinji and Asuka stuck on a lonely rock in space, bored out of their horny minds, forced to play strip blackjack while Rei just stands there like the most fed up dealer in history, is already the kind of cursed energy I like. The game doesn’t pretend to be deep, it just throws you right into this petty little war of ego, tits and underwear. First hand I played, I hit “Shuffle and Go” on reflex like I was on my phone opening Tinder, and suddenly I’m staring at Shinji trying to look brave while clearly one bad card away from crying again. Asuka, of course, is talking shit every time the numbers swing her way, and that smug face when you bust is so punchable it actually made me double down and keep playing. I lost the first round on purpose, totally not because I miscounted like an idiot. Watching them peel off clothes one piece at a time while still nagging each other felt like someone mixed a casino, a fanfic, and a shitpost Discord call.

What I really like is that the blackjack itself actually works. It’s not some fake “press button to win” thing. You hit, you stay, you panic when your hand is at 19 and you’re staring at Shinji’s total like it personally insulted your mother. Score 21 with two cards and suddenly you’re the sexy genius at the table and you even get a piece of clothing back, which is the most toxic mechanic possible because it makes you greedy. You start thinking “ok one more round, I’ll get that top back” and then Rei’s cold little dealer routine ruins your life again. She barely talks, but the vibe is “I’m only here because you two won’t shut the fuck up” and honestly I felt judged by a cartoon girl while half naked sprites were flashing on my monitor between Chrome tabs with Twitter and Pornhub open. Also, there is this stupid tiny detail with the eyeball that I clicked by accident and I’m not spoiling it, but I swear it made me snort water out of my nose. The humor is stupid in a good way, like an old Newgrounds relic you find at three browser tabs deep after searching for “eva strip something maybe” and then suddenly you’re three hands in, half hard, laughing at Shinji, and forgetting what you were even supposed to be doing with your life.