The first time I made a girl ahegao in this game I was folding laundry. Not kidding. GoonGram puts you in this weird little cubicle where you sort videos into NSFW, SFW, and AI categories, and the faster you swipe the more fake internet money you get. The whole thing feels like someone crossed a data entry job with a porn site and honestly that’s the appeal. You’re just clicking, clicking, clicking, and then suddenly you’ve got enough cash to call over one of the sluts from the menu. The animations are 3D and kind of janky, like they used real model scans but the physics engine gave up halfway through. Big tits, big ass, the usual. But the handjob scenes have this weirdly satisfying rhythm to them, almost like the minigame itself.

The management part is where it gets strange. You’re balancing your “work” speed with how much you spend on girls, and there’s group sex options that unlock if you grind enough. I spent way too long optimizing my clicking pattern just to see the anal scene. The puzzle aspect isn’t really a puzzle, more like a timing thing, but it scratches the same itch as those mobile games where you merge numbers. Except here you’re merging your attention span with ahegao faces. The stripping is gradual, which I appreciate, but sometimes the AI videos you’re supposed to filter look more realistic than the actual game models. That’s probably the point? I don’t know.

There’s this one moment where you’re clicking through a batch of videos and a real explicit one pops up, and for a second you forget you’re supposed to be sorting it and just stare. That’s the game in a nutshell. It’s a sandbox where the sand is just more porn. The teasing loop of earn, spend, repeat works better than it should, especially when you’re stealing five minutes between chores. My back hurts from hunching over my phone but the group sex animation had this one angle that made me forget about the laundry entirely. The clothes are still in the dryer. Whatever.